Dear Followers,
So I know I haven't been on here everyday as I said I was going,and I really do miss it.Lately a lot of changes have come to my life,and really Thats whats most important right now. I really cant say right now what is going on because of certain reasons,but I know that right now I need support more then ever.Whatever is going on with me right now is really affecting me. I have seen myself cry to sleep and have been depressed over it. I just don't know what I can do make myself feel better.I just ask for you guys to help me and support me even though you don't understand whats going on.At a later time I hope I will be able to share it,as of right now I need to keep it private.I have decided to go Hiatus on this. I know I have already kind of made that decision,but I need to care of this situation.I need to take of myself.I still think about this blog every day and think about what ill be able to write or to say to help you guys read my journey,but there's nothing I can say right now but that I need to focus on more important things. I don't know how long ill be away from this,but just know that I will be continuing to write on here when the time is write for me to explain. I really thank everybody for all of your support,and like I said what I need right now from you guys is your support. Im emotionally not doing okay,and right now I just need someone to lend me a hand to forget about it. I know I wont be able to,but I need to try my hardest to stay strong for myself. I love you guys so much,and Ill be back soon I promise.
Love Always,
Talia Marcel <3
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
You already lost me.
So as I said,I was going to make this a different blog. I wanted to make this a separate blog because I really feel this is a very important one,and I just don't think it should really belong to other blog I wrote.This is going to be a blog I bet a lot of my readers will be excited to know,so well Ill explain from the beginning to the end why I choose to title this what I did.Just a side note,Im so sorry Im writing this kind of late,but I just didn't get a chance to write when I got home.
So if you have been reading my blogs since the beginning,you know that I started writting this for the fact that I went through a very hard break up with a guy I really loved.I really did everything I could for him.I showed him love he never received from no one else.I was the who would always be there for him.I was the one who was helping financially,even thought I didn't need to. I think if you talk to anyone who knew the situation at whole,they will tell you that I did everything for him. I tried to show him what true love meant.I tried showing him that he hurt me,and he emotionally ruined,but was still doing everything I could to love him.Point is I did everything I could,but for him it wasn't enough.This girl meant so much more.Whatever she had to make him so crazy in love with her,worked. He would tell me he loved me and he cared about me,which at one point he did. That point was never in the past 8 months.No matter how much he told me he did or no matter how much he "tried" to prove he did,he didn't. He knew that whenever he was trying to tell me that,he knew in the back of his head he wanted something from me.Im not gonna lie,I really have hung out with him a lot for the past 8 months.I tried my hardest to show how fun I was to hang out with.I tried showing him that girl he fell in love with,and that I was still that girl. He never cared to want to see it.He never cared to want to take it back.He really just like I said he just needed something out of me other then love.What other things did he need? He mainly needed money.Yes,I was so in love wit him and crazy and stupid,I gave him a lot of money.Of course,he never really appreciated that I gave it to him,when I myself don't have money.He didn't even both to respect me after all the help I did for him. He was always continuing to run to his girlfriend.Its kinda of funny how in my eyes I saw how much he was lying to her.It was kinda of ridiculous how much he lied to his girlfriend.His girlfriend pretty much told him that if he ever saw me again,she would leave him.Yah,that kind of funny because he still did see me after she said that.I felt like the choice I made was real what I had to do.I had to do it because this relationship wasn't healthy anymore.I will admit and always will admit, I still love him and I still really care about him,and you know no matter how much someone hates me for me continuing to love him and care for him, you'll just never understand. Well after all of this,I decided to put my foot down,and made a big decision.
I made this big change,cause I had to for the sake of me.For the sake of me being healthy,and just continuing my life.I first want to tell you what happened and why I decided to make this big decision.I really don't want to get to specific,but me and him were on our way going to hang out and enjoy ourselves.He decided to drive and I was totally okay with it. We were driving about to hang out and really tried enjoying ourselves.Its kinda of funny how we were listening to Britney Spear's new album.I have one song I really love that Britney sings in her album.When were listening to the CD,I tried going through it to see if I could find the song,I never found it.He asked me what the song called,and I told him that it was a song that explains something that might happen to him.He wanted to know what the song title was,and I at first didn't want to tell him what it was called,because I knew he was going to say something about it.Well he asked a few more times,and I finally told him what the song was called.The song is called "He about to lose me." Well lets just say those 5 words,is really what was going to happen that night.It was kinda of funny how he told me that's not a good song title,and I told him yeah well treat me right and it wont happen.well what do you think happened? Of course that was the night I really saw how everything we went through and after I thought I saw who he truly was,he really saw what I was to him. While we were enjoying ourselves and having fun, 9:30pm comes around.I knew that he was up to something when he asked me what time it was. Well whenever its around 9:30pm,I usually know what that means.It means at 10 he has to go pick up his girlfriend from work.Its kinda of funny how he usually thought I was stupid that I didn't know what he was doing,but of course I know,because I had to see it every single day,hearing how he had to go pick up then. When I heard that he had to go pick up his girlfriend, that's when I saw who he really was.I couldn't believe my eyes,that after all the help I did for him,all the love,all the support,all the caring I did for him,he has to leave to go pick up her. The pain I felt when he crushed me like that,is something I will never be able to explain.I was hurt.I was more then just sad.I felt so betrayed and used for everything I did that night trying to have fun with him and trying to show how much I loved him.Showing my love to him,never even mattered to him anymore.It wasn't even called love anymore.It's truly lust by now.The best way to describe it was,I had a bullet through my heart.While my heart was getting hit my the bullet,It was slowly tearing apart like paper be torn.When we had to walk back to his car knowing I was going to sit in his car,crying the whole with him,seeing that I felt like I was nothing. On the way to the car,I had nothing to say to him.There was nothing else to say.I just knew that this was it.I was done with him.On the way home,I told him crying so hysterically how sick I was of everything that he has done to me.I told him that I showed him all the love I could.I tried to explain how everything he has done to me,was the most hurtful thing anyone could to do to me.I told him how he was the one who caused me to become depressed.He was the one who truly hurt me more then anyone else ever could.The one thing he kept telling me was for me to never stop talking to him.I kept telling myself in my head,the best thing for me to do was to just be done,no matter how much I didn't want it to be done. Well it gets worse. After all of the crying and yelling I told him,he had to rush to his girlfriend to go pick her up,he left me on the street of my aunts house so he could go get his girlfriend.Not just go get his girlfriend,but go rush to get his girlfriend. Thats when it was truly done.He let me be alone on that street knowing I was afraid to go to my aunts or cousin to see me crying horribly.I had no car,and I truly felt like nothing I have ever felt before.I felt so low,that I felt like I was nothing.I felt like I was truly a piece of shit.I was garbage. I truly was that night. He didn't even care to ask me if ill be okay,he just tried leaving so fast because of the calls he kept getting from her.He didn't care that I was going to sit outside in the dark knowing he knew I wasn't going to my aunts house or cousin house to sit and wait for my friend to come pick me up. He didn't want to even take me home,when he knew he was suppose to.He just didn't care.He never has cared,and he truly will never car.His girlfriend is now his number one priority in life.He is willing to do anything for this girl,and whats truly sad is that I was never his number one priority.Smoking was.Friends were.He showed me that night that there was nothing else to care about but this girl.He left me sitting there crying thinking that I was going to be okay.There is no way anyone can ever be okay from that. I will never be okay from him treating me like this.I will never forgive him for this night.I will never be able to say its okay,because really It has never been okay.
The reason why I choose to call this blog You Already Lost Me is because it is from the Britney Spears song.Its because he already lost me.I decide yesterday that I was going to block his number.It is blocked it officially today.It was the hardest thing I had to do.I really never wanted to block it.I was always debating about it and kept saying yes and no yes and no.I kept trying to ask my counselor what I should I do.I kept always telling myself that I was dumb if I did.I kept trying to tell myself that maybe he will think about what he did and apologize,but what am I talking about? He never has apologized and he never will. So for now, there's no more him.Im truly done.Im truly over it.Im truly happy about it.Whenever he calls me,it hangs up on him.I blocked him from texting me also.When I blocked his number,I was truly over joyed.I knew that when I was blocking it,I was never going to have see these tears from him coming down my face anymore.I knew that I was going to be able to continue going on with life everyday having a break from all of this.I cant say I will never speak to him ever again,because I will.Im not going to lie,I will talk to him one day.Just right now,I don't need this negativity in my life.I want to be loved again.I want to hang out with people who actually want to hang out and not leave me.I want to go around and do fun stuff.I want to feel like I actually matter to somebody and I actually am loved by people.I want to feel like I don't deserve bad.I want to feel like I deserve the greatest feelings in the world. I knew that blocking his number would hopefully show him what its truly like without me in his life.Showing him that I truly was done being treated like that.Showing him that he took everything he had with me for granted.Showing him that he actually did lose me.I knew that every time I told him I was going to do it,he didn't believe I was so he just said it was okay that I did it. well I did it.I finally put my foot down and showed you that you have made your choice.Im so proud of myself,I hope you guys all see that.I truly felt amazing today when I did it.I feel like a weight not just a 10 pound weight a 250 weight got lifted off my shoulder.
I have finally realized what I truly deserve in my life.That wasn't what I deserved. I didn't deserve this hurt at all. I will love to see the day when he actually comes and says his sorry,but that day wont come for a while,so that means I wont be speaking to him for a while.I love him more then anything no matter what and like I said that will never change.Block his number is something I did for the both of us.I did it because we never really took a break from each other ever since this whole thing began.We never really wanted to stop talking to each other,but really that was just making things worse.We finally need a break from each other.I need a break from it.I need to regain my confidence and strength.I need to regain Talia again. I hope he knows that one day we will be able to speak again,but for now,this is just the way its gonna have to be.
I just want to let everyone know that love is sometimes the most craziest thing you can go through is love.It brings smiles and it brings tears. I just know that really you should always put yourself first.Thats something I didn't want to do in the past 8 months.Finally,Im going to put myself first.Im going to start thinking about myself and doing things for myself. I have truly missed writing.I will have a little bit more time now to be able to write every couple of days.I truly thank everybody for the amazing support I get from this. I do it for the fact that no matter how good or bad I am at writing,I enjoy telling my stories,and that's all the matters.I know one person can relate to me this,and I would rather one person relate then noone. I missed you guys so much and just know the updates from now on are gonna hopefully nothing but the best!! <3
I hope everyone had a great Tuesday and I hope everybody is having a good week so far. I would love if you can share this with other people,and hey it would be great if you told them about my Facebook group page so they will always stay updated.I need to go to sleep now. I love you guys!!
Until next time. . .
Love always,
Talia Marcel <3
So if you have been reading my blogs since the beginning,you know that I started writting this for the fact that I went through a very hard break up with a guy I really loved.I really did everything I could for him.I showed him love he never received from no one else.I was the who would always be there for him.I was the one who was helping financially,even thought I didn't need to. I think if you talk to anyone who knew the situation at whole,they will tell you that I did everything for him. I tried to show him what true love meant.I tried showing him that he hurt me,and he emotionally ruined,but was still doing everything I could to love him.Point is I did everything I could,but for him it wasn't enough.This girl meant so much more.Whatever she had to make him so crazy in love with her,worked. He would tell me he loved me and he cared about me,which at one point he did. That point was never in the past 8 months.No matter how much he told me he did or no matter how much he "tried" to prove he did,he didn't. He knew that whenever he was trying to tell me that,he knew in the back of his head he wanted something from me.Im not gonna lie,I really have hung out with him a lot for the past 8 months.I tried my hardest to show how fun I was to hang out with.I tried showing him that girl he fell in love with,and that I was still that girl. He never cared to want to see it.He never cared to want to take it back.He really just like I said he just needed something out of me other then love.What other things did he need? He mainly needed money.Yes,I was so in love wit him and crazy and stupid,I gave him a lot of money.Of course,he never really appreciated that I gave it to him,when I myself don't have money.He didn't even both to respect me after all the help I did for him. He was always continuing to run to his girlfriend.Its kinda of funny how in my eyes I saw how much he was lying to her.It was kinda of ridiculous how much he lied to his girlfriend.His girlfriend pretty much told him that if he ever saw me again,she would leave him.Yah,that kind of funny because he still did see me after she said that.I felt like the choice I made was real what I had to do.I had to do it because this relationship wasn't healthy anymore.I will admit and always will admit, I still love him and I still really care about him,and you know no matter how much someone hates me for me continuing to love him and care for him, you'll just never understand. Well after all of this,I decided to put my foot down,and made a big decision.
I made this big change,cause I had to for the sake of me.For the sake of me being healthy,and just continuing my life.I first want to tell you what happened and why I decided to make this big decision.I really don't want to get to specific,but me and him were on our way going to hang out and enjoy ourselves.He decided to drive and I was totally okay with it. We were driving about to hang out and really tried enjoying ourselves.Its kinda of funny how we were listening to Britney Spear's new album.I have one song I really love that Britney sings in her album.When were listening to the CD,I tried going through it to see if I could find the song,I never found it.He asked me what the song called,and I told him that it was a song that explains something that might happen to him.He wanted to know what the song title was,and I at first didn't want to tell him what it was called,because I knew he was going to say something about it.Well he asked a few more times,and I finally told him what the song was called.The song is called "He about to lose me." Well lets just say those 5 words,is really what was going to happen that night.It was kinda of funny how he told me that's not a good song title,and I told him yeah well treat me right and it wont happen.well what do you think happened? Of course that was the night I really saw how everything we went through and after I thought I saw who he truly was,he really saw what I was to him. While we were enjoying ourselves and having fun, 9:30pm comes around.I knew that he was up to something when he asked me what time it was. Well whenever its around 9:30pm,I usually know what that means.It means at 10 he has to go pick up his girlfriend from work.Its kinda of funny how he usually thought I was stupid that I didn't know what he was doing,but of course I know,because I had to see it every single day,hearing how he had to go pick up then. When I heard that he had to go pick up his girlfriend, that's when I saw who he really was.I couldn't believe my eyes,that after all the help I did for him,all the love,all the support,all the caring I did for him,he has to leave to go pick up her. The pain I felt when he crushed me like that,is something I will never be able to explain.I was hurt.I was more then just sad.I felt so betrayed and used for everything I did that night trying to have fun with him and trying to show how much I loved him.Showing my love to him,never even mattered to him anymore.It wasn't even called love anymore.It's truly lust by now.The best way to describe it was,I had a bullet through my heart.While my heart was getting hit my the bullet,It was slowly tearing apart like paper be torn.When we had to walk back to his car knowing I was going to sit in his car,crying the whole with him,seeing that I felt like I was nothing. On the way to the car,I had nothing to say to him.There was nothing else to say.I just knew that this was it.I was done with him.On the way home,I told him crying so hysterically how sick I was of everything that he has done to me.I told him that I showed him all the love I could.I tried to explain how everything he has done to me,was the most hurtful thing anyone could to do to me.I told him how he was the one who caused me to become depressed.He was the one who truly hurt me more then anyone else ever could.The one thing he kept telling me was for me to never stop talking to him.I kept telling myself in my head,the best thing for me to do was to just be done,no matter how much I didn't want it to be done. Well it gets worse. After all of the crying and yelling I told him,he had to rush to his girlfriend to go pick her up,he left me on the street of my aunts house so he could go get his girlfriend.Not just go get his girlfriend,but go rush to get his girlfriend. Thats when it was truly done.He let me be alone on that street knowing I was afraid to go to my aunts or cousin to see me crying horribly.I had no car,and I truly felt like nothing I have ever felt before.I felt so low,that I felt like I was nothing.I felt like I was truly a piece of shit.I was garbage. I truly was that night. He didn't even care to ask me if ill be okay,he just tried leaving so fast because of the calls he kept getting from her.He didn't care that I was going to sit outside in the dark knowing he knew I wasn't going to my aunts house or cousin house to sit and wait for my friend to come pick me up. He didn't want to even take me home,when he knew he was suppose to.He just didn't care.He never has cared,and he truly will never car.His girlfriend is now his number one priority in life.He is willing to do anything for this girl,and whats truly sad is that I was never his number one priority.Smoking was.Friends were.He showed me that night that there was nothing else to care about but this girl.He left me sitting there crying thinking that I was going to be okay.There is no way anyone can ever be okay from that. I will never be okay from him treating me like this.I will never forgive him for this night.I will never be able to say its okay,because really It has never been okay.
The reason why I choose to call this blog You Already Lost Me is because it is from the Britney Spears song.Its because he already lost me.I decide yesterday that I was going to block his number.It is blocked it officially today.It was the hardest thing I had to do.I really never wanted to block it.I was always debating about it and kept saying yes and no yes and no.I kept trying to ask my counselor what I should I do.I kept always telling myself that I was dumb if I did.I kept trying to tell myself that maybe he will think about what he did and apologize,but what am I talking about? He never has apologized and he never will. So for now, there's no more him.Im truly done.Im truly over it.Im truly happy about it.Whenever he calls me,it hangs up on him.I blocked him from texting me also.When I blocked his number,I was truly over joyed.I knew that when I was blocking it,I was never going to have see these tears from him coming down my face anymore.I knew that I was going to be able to continue going on with life everyday having a break from all of this.I cant say I will never speak to him ever again,because I will.Im not going to lie,I will talk to him one day.Just right now,I don't need this negativity in my life.I want to be loved again.I want to hang out with people who actually want to hang out and not leave me.I want to go around and do fun stuff.I want to feel like I actually matter to somebody and I actually am loved by people.I want to feel like I don't deserve bad.I want to feel like I deserve the greatest feelings in the world. I knew that blocking his number would hopefully show him what its truly like without me in his life.Showing him that I truly was done being treated like that.Showing him that he took everything he had with me for granted.Showing him that he actually did lose me.I knew that every time I told him I was going to do it,he didn't believe I was so he just said it was okay that I did it. well I did it.I finally put my foot down and showed you that you have made your choice.Im so proud of myself,I hope you guys all see that.I truly felt amazing today when I did it.I feel like a weight not just a 10 pound weight a 250 weight got lifted off my shoulder.
I have finally realized what I truly deserve in my life.That wasn't what I deserved. I didn't deserve this hurt at all. I will love to see the day when he actually comes and says his sorry,but that day wont come for a while,so that means I wont be speaking to him for a while.I love him more then anything no matter what and like I said that will never change.Block his number is something I did for the both of us.I did it because we never really took a break from each other ever since this whole thing began.We never really wanted to stop talking to each other,but really that was just making things worse.We finally need a break from each other.I need a break from it.I need to regain my confidence and strength.I need to regain Talia again. I hope he knows that one day we will be able to speak again,but for now,this is just the way its gonna have to be.
I just want to let everyone know that love is sometimes the most craziest thing you can go through is love.It brings smiles and it brings tears. I just know that really you should always put yourself first.Thats something I didn't want to do in the past 8 months.Finally,Im going to put myself first.Im going to start thinking about myself and doing things for myself. I have truly missed writing.I will have a little bit more time now to be able to write every couple of days.I truly thank everybody for the amazing support I get from this. I do it for the fact that no matter how good or bad I am at writing,I enjoy telling my stories,and that's all the matters.I know one person can relate to me this,and I would rather one person relate then noone. I missed you guys so much and just know the updates from now on are gonna hopefully nothing but the best!! <3
I hope everyone had a great Tuesday and I hope everybody is having a good week so far. I would love if you can share this with other people,and hey it would be great if you told them about my Facebook group page so they will always stay updated.I need to go to sleep now. I love you guys!!
Until next time. . .
Love always,
Talia Marcel <3
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
The Update.
Wow! Hasn't it been a while since Ice written on here?? I am so sorry and I really was trying every day to write on but I have been so busy with 2 jobs and dealing with the beginning of school. I barely had a lot of time for myself,but all that matters is now that Im writing on here again and Im excited! There's been a lot going on of course there's been ups and downs but for the most part it looks like there are a lot of ups going on and I am so happy to finally see things go up. I just want to say that I am so thankful that I started this.I really feel like writting has made me feel some confidence in myself that I felt I never really had. I look at this website as a great way to help me and share what goes on in my life. Its going to build a lot of confidents for me when I write my other blog I am going to start for my journalism class,but ill talk about that more later.Now I just want to write where I left off,and where I left off,wasnt in a good place,but I guess ill explain whats been going on from then.
Well August 10th,obviously wasn't a good day.I really was down on myself that day,and of course it was the same reason as it has always been,its always been how sad and hurt I am by him. I really don't know if I can say what I wrote is a poem,because honestly I just feel like I truly wrote it because of anger,and I just felt like I needed to write something.Im kind of glad at the same time,because I needed to write it out of anger,instead of doing something else.I feel like that's why its a great reason for me to write,is so writing wont let me think of anything bad (not like I will do anything bad,I promise you.I have never thought of anything like that.) I just know that in whatever way you read it,if you did,every word and sentence meant something.I was just really trying to show that one day when Im truly gone out this guys life,his going to regret it.I know that for a fact. I will talk about that more later. Well after all that,I started working like crazy for the bookstore.I was working pretty much everyday from 1 til close and all I was doing was standing,so trust me it gets tiring. I really enjoy working there to be honest though. It got pretty crazy this last week because of the week of school,but I love it.I love when there's a ton of chaos and action going it.Sometimes sucks when the managers and leads get a little irritated but its understandable. Its fun knowing that everyone that works there is a student and they understand that you have other things you need to do in your life and that a lot of other people have a second job,like me. It is a great place to work and I hope it all works outs because it is such a great schedule they have done for me letting me go to classes then go to work. It is so flexible and I love it! Today I just found out sadly I don't work there anymore after tomorrow,but to be honest I am glad im not because I really need to concentrate this semester,and having a job ill enjoy more and having a more open schedule for the bowling alley. Two weeks ago,I went to my friends birthday party for her 21.It was so much fun and I don't think I have ever had that much fun at where we at and what we did it,I love that girl to death and I hope she knows that! I really have really loved getting close to her.I really feel like she is a friend that actually really cared to help me when a lot of things happened.I hope she knows that I am always here for her and I will never leave her and I want us to be close as we are forever! If you read this,I just want to let you know Im so sorry we haven't been able to see each other for a while,and haven't been able to talk as much,but I love you and I will see you soon! :)
After that,I started school. School has been great.I really feel like this semester is going to be a great semester.I already feel it.First of all,something I didn't have last semester was good teachers.My teachers this semester are very energetic and make the class fun.They also have really easy homework for the most part and i love how all my homework is mainly online,which is why it was a great idea to get a laptop this semester.Im taking journalism,math,and human nutrition again. As I wrote in an earlier post,last semester wasn't the best for me,and I had to deal with a lot of things because of how emotionally bad I got from the situation of what happened. So the result to that was I didn't do good in school. I did poorly and that's why this semester is the semester I really need to be serious,and I feel great about it. I actually did my homework on time,and wasn't rushed and felt amazing after I finished it and was able to have freedom to do whatever I wanted. Trust me,I think this is the first time I feel like that.I don't really think there has been one time in school from elementary until now where I did all my homework early.I am such a procrastinator,its not even funny. I truly hate it to be honest,but I usually did because of being lazy and not being motivated to do it. I feel like one reason why I didn't procrastinate this time,was cause I don't have a personal Facebook!! :)
For a little side note,on Wednesday it will be a month I haven't had my personal Facebook!! How crazy is that?!?! I find it funny how everyone told me I wouldn't be able to last without it,but I look at myself this past month,and I truly don't miss it. The Facebook I have now is really just for free samples. I don't really know any websites that update as much as the pages on Facebook.Thats why I created that one and also for the group I made for this blog.I don't even count it as Facebook because Im really not connecting with people on it. I only have 5 friends on it but I don't really write statuses or anything.People can only see that I am a Female and my info. That is really all anyone can see.Nobody can add me anymore.Im so glad I choose to delete it and Im so glad that is helping me think of more serious things in my life and bigger prioritys.I haven't really started working at the bowling alley,but I start on Thursday and Im so excited to finally be around kids like I have always love being around.I sometimes am so glad I got 2 jobs because of money and helps me focus on a lot of other things and not just my person life,which is much needed. I went to my first broncos game on Saturday!! It was so much fun especially cause I was in the first section it was great to go see the broncos for the most part.
Well I wanted to do my blogs is two different parts,but my next big thing im going to write about is what everyone who has been reading this from the start is about him.So I would love if you guys can read I guess the part two of this blog!! Im sorry if I kinda of mumbled a lot .I promise you my second blog is going to be way more interesting,so stay tuned and Ill be posting the second one shortly, don't worry Im posting it tonight cause I cant wait for you guys to read it!! :)
Love you guys,
Talia Marcel <3
Well August 10th,obviously wasn't a good day.I really was down on myself that day,and of course it was the same reason as it has always been,its always been how sad and hurt I am by him. I really don't know if I can say what I wrote is a poem,because honestly I just feel like I truly wrote it because of anger,and I just felt like I needed to write something.Im kind of glad at the same time,because I needed to write it out of anger,instead of doing something else.I feel like that's why its a great reason for me to write,is so writing wont let me think of anything bad (not like I will do anything bad,I promise you.I have never thought of anything like that.) I just know that in whatever way you read it,if you did,every word and sentence meant something.I was just really trying to show that one day when Im truly gone out this guys life,his going to regret it.I know that for a fact. I will talk about that more later. Well after all that,I started working like crazy for the bookstore.I was working pretty much everyday from 1 til close and all I was doing was standing,so trust me it gets tiring. I really enjoy working there to be honest though. It got pretty crazy this last week because of the week of school,but I love it.I love when there's a ton of chaos and action going it.Sometimes sucks when the managers and leads get a little irritated but its understandable. Its fun knowing that everyone that works there is a student and they understand that you have other things you need to do in your life and that a lot of other people have a second job,like me. It is a great place to work and I hope it all works outs because it is such a great schedule they have done for me letting me go to classes then go to work. It is so flexible and I love it! Today I just found out sadly I don't work there anymore after tomorrow,but to be honest I am glad im not because I really need to concentrate this semester,and having a job ill enjoy more and having a more open schedule for the bowling alley. Two weeks ago,I went to my friends birthday party for her 21.It was so much fun and I don't think I have ever had that much fun at where we at and what we did it,I love that girl to death and I hope she knows that! I really have really loved getting close to her.I really feel like she is a friend that actually really cared to help me when a lot of things happened.I hope she knows that I am always here for her and I will never leave her and I want us to be close as we are forever! If you read this,I just want to let you know Im so sorry we haven't been able to see each other for a while,and haven't been able to talk as much,but I love you and I will see you soon! :)
After that,I started school. School has been great.I really feel like this semester is going to be a great semester.I already feel it.First of all,something I didn't have last semester was good teachers.My teachers this semester are very energetic and make the class fun.They also have really easy homework for the most part and i love how all my homework is mainly online,which is why it was a great idea to get a laptop this semester.Im taking journalism,math,and human nutrition again. As I wrote in an earlier post,last semester wasn't the best for me,and I had to deal with a lot of things because of how emotionally bad I got from the situation of what happened. So the result to that was I didn't do good in school. I did poorly and that's why this semester is the semester I really need to be serious,and I feel great about it. I actually did my homework on time,and wasn't rushed and felt amazing after I finished it and was able to have freedom to do whatever I wanted. Trust me,I think this is the first time I feel like that.I don't really think there has been one time in school from elementary until now where I did all my homework early.I am such a procrastinator,its not even funny. I truly hate it to be honest,but I usually did because of being lazy and not being motivated to do it. I feel like one reason why I didn't procrastinate this time,was cause I don't have a personal Facebook!! :)
For a little side note,on Wednesday it will be a month I haven't had my personal Facebook!! How crazy is that?!?! I find it funny how everyone told me I wouldn't be able to last without it,but I look at myself this past month,and I truly don't miss it. The Facebook I have now is really just for free samples. I don't really know any websites that update as much as the pages on Facebook.Thats why I created that one and also for the group I made for this blog.I don't even count it as Facebook because Im really not connecting with people on it. I only have 5 friends on it but I don't really write statuses or anything.People can only see that I am a Female and my info. That is really all anyone can see.Nobody can add me anymore.Im so glad I choose to delete it and Im so glad that is helping me think of more serious things in my life and bigger prioritys.I haven't really started working at the bowling alley,but I start on Thursday and Im so excited to finally be around kids like I have always love being around.I sometimes am so glad I got 2 jobs because of money and helps me focus on a lot of other things and not just my person life,which is much needed. I went to my first broncos game on Saturday!! It was so much fun especially cause I was in the first section it was great to go see the broncos for the most part.
Well I wanted to do my blogs is two different parts,but my next big thing im going to write about is what everyone who has been reading this from the start is about him.So I would love if you guys can read I guess the part two of this blog!! Im sorry if I kinda of mumbled a lot .I promise you my second blog is going to be way more interesting,so stay tuned and Ill be posting the second one shortly, don't worry Im posting it tonight cause I cant wait for you guys to read it!! :)
Love you guys,
Talia Marcel <3
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Poem:One day
One day
One day I wont feel like this anymore,
One day Ill get called beautiful,
One day Ill get called smart,
One day Ill be able to smile,
One day someone will tell me that I don't deserve to cry,
One day Ill be loved,
One day Ill have a guy tell me I hate seeing you hurt,
One day he'll actually mean it.
One day Ill be able to see a bright future
One day Ill be told to smile.
One day Ill have a guy show me love with materialistic stuff I don't want
One day Ill have a guy show me love with materialistic stuff I don't want
One day Ill be able to have a guy tell me he loves me,
and actually mean it.
One day ill be shown how Im appreciated,
One day I wont be taken for granted,
One day someone will see Im a good person,
One day,Ill be able to show someone that I truly love them,
and they will truly love me.
One day a guy will actually let me enjoy myself,
One day a guy will let me call him every nigh and text,
without being afraid.
One day ill be able to have a best friend,
that is a guy.
One day Ill be able to look up at the sky and know his the one
One day Ill be proud to show him
no matter what.
One day I will be told that I deserve nothing but the best,
One day ill be chosen then the rest.
One day "baby" will have a meaning,
and "boo boo" will make feel all tingly.
One day Ill be able to find the love of my life,
but that one day hasn't come.
This day wont come for a while,
but I need it to come soon,
I need this One day.
I guess this explains the mood im in the best way.I really miss him and I guess crying or showing that im scared to lose him or that I hate how this isn't enough,so Im done with it.Im so done with being treated like I don't deserve to be happy,and lately I feel like I will never be treated okay.Im so sick of feeling like Im not his love one anymore.I get it.Just I don't get why he doesn't ever say the truth or why he cant show that he really hates seeing me hurt.Why does he have to show how selfish he is and only care about her?? Was I not good enough for him? I never thought I was such a bad girl,that I deserved this.I thought he would kill someone if he ever saw me hurt,but why isn't he doing anything,when his hurting me? I thought we would always talk no matter what.Why does he say hell call when he doesn't even want to.Why does he say he misses me,when he cant even say hello.Why does he tell me he wants to talk to me,when he just wants to hang up on me.Why does he tell me he wants to see me,when all he wants to do is leave.Why would he say he never wants to stop talking,when he doesn't even want to talk.I feel like Ill never be able to find this guy,when I thought he was the guy I wanted,but I don't matter.Im nothing to him,and I always will be nothing to him. That's point blank.Thank G-D I have counseling,cause Im going crazy. I don't know what else to do,and I need some help.I need someone to tell him this isn't okay,cause I never thought I deserved this.
Nothing else to say tonight.
Love,
Talia
Its so crazy,but of course its called love.
Wow it feels like forever! Well if it doesn't for you,it defiantly does for me not being able to write for more then a week has made me miss this so much!! I tried my best,but ive been working like crazy everyday and have been getting ready to start school.It has just been a very hectic couple of weeks knowing that im going to be pretty busy and will be having to multitask a lot! I can proudly say I'm writing this on my new laptop!! :) I got a laptop finally for school which is much needed in college. I'm so excited to finally be able to Skype and just being able to take my computer with me in school,because in my school you usually have to wait for a computer,and its so annoying.Im so happy I will also be able to write on here and be able to have my privacy when I choose to write on it. I haven't been able to really go on this laptop just because I feel like I have no life anymore with how much I work!!! I'm glad in a way ill be able to get my mind very busy,but I just hope it wont effect my schooling as much because I really need to be serious more then ever in school.I don't really know what to really say cause there's just been stuff going on,but ill try my best to say some stuff that's been going!
Last time I wrote on this,it was a day after I deleted my Facebook.It has been an amazing feeling to not go on and just being able to concentrate on more important things then me posting statues all day or putting pictures.There have been some moments where I'm like I want to take a picture and post this on Facebook or I've wanted to write a status so everybody would know what im doing right at that moment or what I'm thinking about,but I cant do that anymore and I'm so glad I cant!! It has helped me control myself from seeing things I would really like not see at times,and it has helped me just realize I don't need a social network to make my life go round.I need to do things like daily activities to make my life go round and I need to choose to other do activities to enjoy my day.I decided when I don't have to work I will be joining a class like a yoga class (I saw a daily deal for unlimited yoga for 29 bucks!!) or I also saw some fun classes that I would love to join! I feel like in a way its a good way for me to do something peaceful and relaxing,which going to be much needed.I felt like the past week I have really been doing good emotionally and defiantly physically,but at times there's still times I get very down on myself or feel like something is wrong,which today was a perfect example,but ill explain that later.I still have been getting comments on how much weight I lost and how I don't eat as much. . . which like I said I had no control over.I just know I cant really tell you why it really happened just,I know it was because I was very emotionally about things in my life.
I guess lately the biggest problem,the problem, ive been having for the past 9 months,of course its boys.Its so hard for me to admit that I still love my ex.I still love him so much,it sometimes hurt that I know I don't deserve what has happened to me.It sucks that we haven't been talking,and its like at times I wish we weren't talking,seeing how I've been doing so good with being able to work now and how I will be going to school,but all I do is miss him more when we don't talk.I feel like whenever I do talk to him,all I do is cry to him and that makes him want to stop talking to me and leave. I truly hate that I cry to him.Im usually a very positive person,I just cant not cry to him.I have to cry to him,I just want him to see my pain,which is something he still doesn't seem to see. I've been doing much better emotionally then what I used to be but,I still get very down on myself on things,feeling that I was the one who ruined this relationship,no matter how many times he tells me that it was him, because no matter how much it was him,he still chooses her over everything. Today I felt the most that we weren't really anything more.Today was his birthday,and I tried to call him and I texted him showing him that I was nice enough to say Happy Birthday cause I still obviously care and love him so much to say it.I don't ever call him or text him first,but did because I wanted him to know that I remember its his birthday,and I care enough to say it.I was debating about for the past few days if I should or shouldn't,because of course I did.I never got an answer from him.It showed how I felt like I did something so horrible to him,he cant even say thank you or call back.I know today is the big 21 birthday,but I just wish it was like last year,where I was his girlfriend celebrating his birthday.I really went all out for his birthday,I put my heart into it by surprising him with an amazing dinner,and I bought some really expensive shirts,but to me money doesn't matter.As long as he enjoyed him,but that wasn't this year.I really hate how im imagining how amazing his birthday was/is because of his girlfriend.His girlfriend probably did something amazing for him,and has probably given him a better gift and probably showed more love,then I ever did in our whole relationship.I wish I was celebrating his birthday with him. I even bought him a gift to show that I really wish I could celebrate his birthday with him.I would have even taken him out somewhere to eat to make him feel like his loved on his birthday,but she probably already did.She probably is right now.Its so hard and annoying with this situation,I go crazy.I still don't see why it ended up like this,I never understand why.We promised each other we would be best friends forever.This isn't best friends forever.Its more like Im the bad person.I know that for the good person I am,I don't deserve this at all.I just cant seem to ever let go,and I don't want to let go. I've obviously tried to hang out with a few other guys,and try to get him off my mind,and that's why I want a new guy.I started liking a new guy,and his really nice and his a good guy,just we obviously don't want to be in a relationship and don't want to rush anything. I've wanted a new guy not for a relationship,just so I wont have to think about him anymore,but I never stop thinking about him.No matter if we talk or if we don't.I miss him so much,it hurts.I really fell for this guy and I think everybody see's it.I keep repeating that I don't even want him as my boyfriend,but I guess all I want him is in my life all the time.I wanted to change my number again so maybe he wont ever contact me and it will maybe show him what its like living his life without me,which I know he'll hate,like I cant live my life without him no matter what we are.I also cant change it cause It will be such a hassle to tell everyone why I changed it and getting a new number. It'll just be too hard. I just have to realize,Im not her anymore.This new girl,is the girl.I shouldn't even say new girl,she is now the girl.Sometimes I just tell myself they wont last and will break up soon,so ill try to get myself excited that we will be back to the way we were.Itll never be the same.I really don't like jealousy in a relationship whenever I date somebody,and usually Im not a very jealous person.I can finally admit,I am so jealous of this girl,whos 2 years younger then me,whos still in high school,who still has a lot of growing up to do,because she stole someone very important from me.If he sees this,I want to tell you,she won.She wins.She got you.I wish I was able to just tell her that him not talking to him,made me become this bad,but of course she doesn't care nor will she ever care cause Ive hurt her.I truly feel like I don't matter anymore to him.I really wish I did.I really wish he saw how good of a person I was and how much I was willing to do,but the fact is he doesn't.I cant do anything more.I just don't get why after all these months,I have seen myself cry and try so hard and have been getting hurt,but still until this day I love him.I love him more then ever,and if one day he ever came to me and said I love you will you take me back?,Ill of course be crazy and take him back.I know everything that has happened to me is very wrong and is very hurtful,but I don't get why im still willing to go through it,why am I still trying to chase him,why cant I just let go?? I asked him the last time we talked if he wanted me to move on and go be with another guy,and of course his answer was no.Of course I want the answer to be no,because I know I don't want another guy right now.I just wanted a second chance,or just want to be able to talk to everyday is what I want.I miss him and I just wish he really realized.I don't know any other way to make him realize.Every week when I go to my counselors,I really wish I could be sitting with him there so we can just talk.Im even willing to go every week with him and talk to my counselor to help me and him. Its so crazy,but of course its called love.
I just wanted to add something I read this morning.I usually believe in my horoscopes,but its so crazy how my horoscope I got for this month is so true!! Im a Scorpio and it said: Some mistakes you've made in the past may be easier to remedy then you think. The keyword for you this August is "Improvement". Things can improve in both little and big ways and, when they do,you'll be so relieved. Realize,too,that the little and seemingly insignificant things you do can lead to more important happenings. This is so crazy because that's what this whole month is about!! I would recommend to read your horoscope of the month,even if you believe in it,because it may be true!!
I really wish that he was the one who would read this.I made this in a way,for him to read this.I know his read my other ones,I just hope his following it,and he just realizes that whenever I talk about him,Im talking to him.Im telling things Ive tried to tell him person,but know I cant anymore probably cause he doesn't like seeing me like this anymore. I just really hope that no matter how much he hurt me but not even saying thank you on his birthday,he still calls or texts me,I know he will eventually,I just hope its soon.
I really want to end this by saying that I am so grateful for some of the followers who have been telling me how much they support me through this,and have given me such amazing comments even though I haven't been able to write lately. I know sometimes whenever you look at these posts,your thinking to yourself why is she doing this,its like a diary.Well to be honest,I love writing.I really don't care what people say about this because its a very therapeutic way for me to let my emotions.It makes me happy im doing this,and all I ask for is support.I feel like this is truly the best way I can be open to people and just show that sometimes there's ups and downs in life,but in the end it'll all get better.
I will be crazy busy still with seeing how the bookstore I work at will be super busy for the next few weeks since school will be starting,and seeing how my other job will just be opening,so it'll be pretty hectic,so Ill try my best to write something,if I don't write something,ill try my best to entertain you in some way.I have to get to sleep,of course I have to work tomorrow! I hope everyone has been doing good and has an amazing night and day!!
I love you guys with all my heart,and thank you every day for the support! Be Kind to one another!! <3
Love Always,
Talia <3
Last time I wrote on this,it was a day after I deleted my Facebook.It has been an amazing feeling to not go on and just being able to concentrate on more important things then me posting statues all day or putting pictures.There have been some moments where I'm like I want to take a picture and post this on Facebook or I've wanted to write a status so everybody would know what im doing right at that moment or what I'm thinking about,but I cant do that anymore and I'm so glad I cant!! It has helped me control myself from seeing things I would really like not see at times,and it has helped me just realize I don't need a social network to make my life go round.I need to do things like daily activities to make my life go round and I need to choose to other do activities to enjoy my day.I decided when I don't have to work I will be joining a class like a yoga class (I saw a daily deal for unlimited yoga for 29 bucks!!) or I also saw some fun classes that I would love to join! I feel like in a way its a good way for me to do something peaceful and relaxing,which going to be much needed.I felt like the past week I have really been doing good emotionally and defiantly physically,but at times there's still times I get very down on myself or feel like something is wrong,which today was a perfect example,but ill explain that later.I still have been getting comments on how much weight I lost and how I don't eat as much. . . which like I said I had no control over.I just know I cant really tell you why it really happened just,I know it was because I was very emotionally about things in my life.
I guess lately the biggest problem,the problem, ive been having for the past 9 months,of course its boys.Its so hard for me to admit that I still love my ex.I still love him so much,it sometimes hurt that I know I don't deserve what has happened to me.It sucks that we haven't been talking,and its like at times I wish we weren't talking,seeing how I've been doing so good with being able to work now and how I will be going to school,but all I do is miss him more when we don't talk.I feel like whenever I do talk to him,all I do is cry to him and that makes him want to stop talking to me and leave. I truly hate that I cry to him.Im usually a very positive person,I just cant not cry to him.I have to cry to him,I just want him to see my pain,which is something he still doesn't seem to see. I've been doing much better emotionally then what I used to be but,I still get very down on myself on things,feeling that I was the one who ruined this relationship,no matter how many times he tells me that it was him, because no matter how much it was him,he still chooses her over everything. Today I felt the most that we weren't really anything more.Today was his birthday,and I tried to call him and I texted him showing him that I was nice enough to say Happy Birthday cause I still obviously care and love him so much to say it.I don't ever call him or text him first,but did because I wanted him to know that I remember its his birthday,and I care enough to say it.I was debating about for the past few days if I should or shouldn't,because of course I did.I never got an answer from him.It showed how I felt like I did something so horrible to him,he cant even say thank you or call back.I know today is the big 21 birthday,but I just wish it was like last year,where I was his girlfriend celebrating his birthday.I really went all out for his birthday,I put my heart into it by surprising him with an amazing dinner,and I bought some really expensive shirts,but to me money doesn't matter.As long as he enjoyed him,but that wasn't this year.I really hate how im imagining how amazing his birthday was/is because of his girlfriend.His girlfriend probably did something amazing for him,and has probably given him a better gift and probably showed more love,then I ever did in our whole relationship.I wish I was celebrating his birthday with him. I even bought him a gift to show that I really wish I could celebrate his birthday with him.I would have even taken him out somewhere to eat to make him feel like his loved on his birthday,but she probably already did.She probably is right now.Its so hard and annoying with this situation,I go crazy.I still don't see why it ended up like this,I never understand why.We promised each other we would be best friends forever.This isn't best friends forever.Its more like Im the bad person.I know that for the good person I am,I don't deserve this at all.I just cant seem to ever let go,and I don't want to let go. I've obviously tried to hang out with a few other guys,and try to get him off my mind,and that's why I want a new guy.I started liking a new guy,and his really nice and his a good guy,just we obviously don't want to be in a relationship and don't want to rush anything. I've wanted a new guy not for a relationship,just so I wont have to think about him anymore,but I never stop thinking about him.No matter if we talk or if we don't.I miss him so much,it hurts.I really fell for this guy and I think everybody see's it.I keep repeating that I don't even want him as my boyfriend,but I guess all I want him is in my life all the time.I wanted to change my number again so maybe he wont ever contact me and it will maybe show him what its like living his life without me,which I know he'll hate,like I cant live my life without him no matter what we are.I also cant change it cause It will be such a hassle to tell everyone why I changed it and getting a new number. It'll just be too hard. I just have to realize,Im not her anymore.This new girl,is the girl.I shouldn't even say new girl,she is now the girl.Sometimes I just tell myself they wont last and will break up soon,so ill try to get myself excited that we will be back to the way we were.Itll never be the same.I really don't like jealousy in a relationship whenever I date somebody,and usually Im not a very jealous person.I can finally admit,I am so jealous of this girl,whos 2 years younger then me,whos still in high school,who still has a lot of growing up to do,because she stole someone very important from me.If he sees this,I want to tell you,she won.She wins.She got you.I wish I was able to just tell her that him not talking to him,made me become this bad,but of course she doesn't care nor will she ever care cause Ive hurt her.I truly feel like I don't matter anymore to him.I really wish I did.I really wish he saw how good of a person I was and how much I was willing to do,but the fact is he doesn't.I cant do anything more.I just don't get why after all these months,I have seen myself cry and try so hard and have been getting hurt,but still until this day I love him.I love him more then ever,and if one day he ever came to me and said I love you will you take me back?,Ill of course be crazy and take him back.I know everything that has happened to me is very wrong and is very hurtful,but I don't get why im still willing to go through it,why am I still trying to chase him,why cant I just let go?? I asked him the last time we talked if he wanted me to move on and go be with another guy,and of course his answer was no.Of course I want the answer to be no,because I know I don't want another guy right now.I just wanted a second chance,or just want to be able to talk to everyday is what I want.I miss him and I just wish he really realized.I don't know any other way to make him realize.Every week when I go to my counselors,I really wish I could be sitting with him there so we can just talk.Im even willing to go every week with him and talk to my counselor to help me and him. Its so crazy,but of course its called love.
I just wanted to add something I read this morning.I usually believe in my horoscopes,but its so crazy how my horoscope I got for this month is so true!! Im a Scorpio and it said: Some mistakes you've made in the past may be easier to remedy then you think. The keyword for you this August is "Improvement". Things can improve in both little and big ways and, when they do,you'll be so relieved. Realize,too,that the little and seemingly insignificant things you do can lead to more important happenings. This is so crazy because that's what this whole month is about!! I would recommend to read your horoscope of the month,even if you believe in it,because it may be true!!
I really wish that he was the one who would read this.I made this in a way,for him to read this.I know his read my other ones,I just hope his following it,and he just realizes that whenever I talk about him,Im talking to him.Im telling things Ive tried to tell him person,but know I cant anymore probably cause he doesn't like seeing me like this anymore. I just really hope that no matter how much he hurt me but not even saying thank you on his birthday,he still calls or texts me,I know he will eventually,I just hope its soon.
I really want to end this by saying that I am so grateful for some of the followers who have been telling me how much they support me through this,and have given me such amazing comments even though I haven't been able to write lately. I know sometimes whenever you look at these posts,your thinking to yourself why is she doing this,its like a diary.Well to be honest,I love writing.I really don't care what people say about this because its a very therapeutic way for me to let my emotions.It makes me happy im doing this,and all I ask for is support.I feel like this is truly the best way I can be open to people and just show that sometimes there's ups and downs in life,but in the end it'll all get better.
I will be crazy busy still with seeing how the bookstore I work at will be super busy for the next few weeks since school will be starting,and seeing how my other job will just be opening,so it'll be pretty hectic,so Ill try my best to write something,if I don't write something,ill try my best to entertain you in some way.I have to get to sleep,of course I have to work tomorrow! I hope everyone has been doing good and has an amazing night and day!!
I love you guys with all my heart,and thank you every day for the support! Be Kind to one another!! <3
Love Always,
Talia <3
Monday, August 1, 2011
My Dream Came True. :)
First I would like to mention,that this is kinda of a very hard blog im going to have to post,physically not emotionally. I have an allergy test patch on my back and I cant touch it for 4 days and it is so hard not to itch it! I am trying my hardest to keep my hands off of it.Im trying with fans to help it have air so I don't touch it.Ahh!! I would like everyone to know that having eczema (its where you have dry spots on your body and it gets very itchy and you sometimes get rashes,don't worry you cant catch it) sucks,so whoever doesn't have it is very lucky!!
Well I would first like to mention I have officially deleted my personal facebook!! At 11:37 on July 31st,2011 I deleted my facebook,well technically not me but it got deleted!! I have proved to everyone and myself that me,ME TALIA,was able to get rid of facebook for a while! If you know me really good,you know I cant live without technology mainly a computer.Im planning on getting a laptop,and its going to feel weird that I wont be going on facebook on it except for the blog's facebook page.I cant explain to you how happy I am and how bored I am! I am so happy that I was able to do it on the day I promised myself I was going to do it without thinking twice or trying to delete it another day.It also makes me feel like I don't need to go on Facebook to make me feel like I need to see things,that I know wont make me happy to see.On the other hand,I feel like I am missing something and I feel like I have nothing to look at and today would have been a day I had amazing news to post as a status but I will be posting it on here because like I said from the beginning this is my facebook.I will admit I tried to go on it today and of course it didn't work because my password changed. However,I know that I needed this and I have actually see some good come out of this and to be honest I dont miss it!!
Anyways,I wanted to share the great news!! I got a second job!! :) When I was down today for a little bit,I saw I got the job I really wanted. Its crazy how I saw signs that I was going to get hired. Well so isn't it a a coincidence that yesterday I was talking about having a dream that might come true,and that actually happened with this job?? Well let me say I feel like it is crazy!! I first would like to say how it was crazy that I found out about the job when I was right next to the place (FYI its a new bowling alley where I will be a party host.) I saw the e-mail that said congratulations we would like to further discuss the position.How is it that I got the e-mail right when I was next to work?? The next thing is I had a dream about it.I didn't want to say anything about this job because I didn't want to jinx any of it because im not a very superstitious person but I defenitly believe in jinxing stuff.I tried to not even talk about it that's how bad I wanted this job.It was just crazy how I had a dream that I got hired for the job and that I saw what I was going to do in my dream.I don't get why this happens to me.I truly have someone to prove that some of my dreams really happen in reality and they actually come true.I don't know why it happens but sometimes Im so glad it happens! I am so excited for this job.I have been looking for a job nonstop for the past 3 years,and finally I get two jobs in 2 weeks!! (well technically I have 3 if you count the babysitting,which is a job for me.) This job involves actually getting paid well and since I love enjoying being with kids,that's all im going to be around!! Its so much fun how the Denver Nuggets and Colorado Avalanche sponsor the place to which means I might be seeing some famous sports people!! Another reason why this is such a perfect job for me is because Im one of the few girls who actually loves and enjoys sports! Its just amazing and Im so happy that its a beginning month and I told myself that it was going to be a new beginning for me,and that's what it turned out to be!! Its just so amazing how a few weeks ago I wasn't in good shape at all.I wasn't as happy.I felt that I was getting let down and that I had no point of living. Its amazing when you are actually happy,how good things turn out to happen.Im happy that things are slowly going forward and I hope it all turns out for the best. I just cant get anymore excited and Its just amazing when I write happy blogs.I know sometimes my blog's get a little boring,but I hope in a way it shows some people that there's always ups and downs in life and that sometimes when you go through hard times like I have,that it'll end up turning okay.I feel like this might be the week where Im actually happy to go to my counselor and have some good news for her (I hope I get to see her this week.) I think a lot of times I felt like she wasn't helping me because all I have done is mainly cry,but to be honest she has helped me so much. She has helped me see how its okay to go through this hard times,but in the end everything is going to be okay. I will be okay.No,I'm going to be great! :)
I have nothing else to say really but that I am in an amazing mood,except that I have to wear this patch on my back for 4 days.Other then that,everything in my life has been turning out good. I don't know,but maybe there's a new boy in my life?? hmmm I don't know well I guess maybe ill leave that until next time. . . . .
I love you guys and be kind to one another!!
Love Always,
Talia Marcel <3
Well I would first like to mention I have officially deleted my personal facebook!! At 11:37 on July 31st,2011 I deleted my facebook,well technically not me but it got deleted!! I have proved to everyone and myself that me,ME TALIA,was able to get rid of facebook for a while! If you know me really good,you know I cant live without technology mainly a computer.Im planning on getting a laptop,and its going to feel weird that I wont be going on facebook on it except for the blog's facebook page.I cant explain to you how happy I am and how bored I am! I am so happy that I was able to do it on the day I promised myself I was going to do it without thinking twice or trying to delete it another day.It also makes me feel like I don't need to go on Facebook to make me feel like I need to see things,that I know wont make me happy to see.On the other hand,I feel like I am missing something and I feel like I have nothing to look at and today would have been a day I had amazing news to post as a status but I will be posting it on here because like I said from the beginning this is my facebook.I will admit I tried to go on it today and of course it didn't work because my password changed. However,I know that I needed this and I have actually see some good come out of this and to be honest I dont miss it!!
Anyways,I wanted to share the great news!! I got a second job!! :) When I was down today for a little bit,I saw I got the job I really wanted. Its crazy how I saw signs that I was going to get hired. Well so isn't it a a coincidence that yesterday I was talking about having a dream that might come true,and that actually happened with this job?? Well let me say I feel like it is crazy!! I first would like to say how it was crazy that I found out about the job when I was right next to the place (FYI its a new bowling alley where I will be a party host.) I saw the e-mail that said congratulations we would like to further discuss the position.How is it that I got the e-mail right when I was next to work?? The next thing is I had a dream about it.I didn't want to say anything about this job because I didn't want to jinx any of it because im not a very superstitious person but I defenitly believe in jinxing stuff.I tried to not even talk about it that's how bad I wanted this job.It was just crazy how I had a dream that I got hired for the job and that I saw what I was going to do in my dream.I don't get why this happens to me.I truly have someone to prove that some of my dreams really happen in reality and they actually come true.I don't know why it happens but sometimes Im so glad it happens! I am so excited for this job.I have been looking for a job nonstop for the past 3 years,and finally I get two jobs in 2 weeks!! (well technically I have 3 if you count the babysitting,which is a job for me.) This job involves actually getting paid well and since I love enjoying being with kids,that's all im going to be around!! Its so much fun how the Denver Nuggets and Colorado Avalanche sponsor the place to which means I might be seeing some famous sports people!! Another reason why this is such a perfect job for me is because Im one of the few girls who actually loves and enjoys sports! Its just amazing and Im so happy that its a beginning month and I told myself that it was going to be a new beginning for me,and that's what it turned out to be!! Its just so amazing how a few weeks ago I wasn't in good shape at all.I wasn't as happy.I felt that I was getting let down and that I had no point of living. Its amazing when you are actually happy,how good things turn out to happen.Im happy that things are slowly going forward and I hope it all turns out for the best. I just cant get anymore excited and Its just amazing when I write happy blogs.I know sometimes my blog's get a little boring,but I hope in a way it shows some people that there's always ups and downs in life and that sometimes when you go through hard times like I have,that it'll end up turning okay.I feel like this might be the week where Im actually happy to go to my counselor and have some good news for her (I hope I get to see her this week.) I think a lot of times I felt like she wasn't helping me because all I have done is mainly cry,but to be honest she has helped me so much. She has helped me see how its okay to go through this hard times,but in the end everything is going to be okay. I will be okay.No,I'm going to be great! :)
I have nothing else to say really but that I am in an amazing mood,except that I have to wear this patch on my back for 4 days.Other then that,everything in my life has been turning out good. I don't know,but maybe there's a new boy in my life?? hmmm I don't know well I guess maybe ill leave that until next time. . . . .
I love you guys and be kind to one another!!
Love Always,
Talia Marcel <3
Sunday, July 31, 2011
For My Happiness.
So I would like to say that this feeling about today being my last day on Facebook is a very bittersweet feeling! :) I have been going crazy thinking to myself should I do it today or a week or in a month,but I promised myself I would do it on July 31st,2011.So today has come! I will be doing it tonight and I feel so weird that im about to do this.Nobody looks at me at deleting social networks,but I have to! Its a must and I know in the end I will be more happy! :) So like I said in my last post,this is a crazy feeling and I explained why I choose to delete but its my choice and like I said it'll make me more happy! :) Im still scared sometimes I will be alone,and I will feel at times that people will not remember that I have a phone and there is a thing called text.I just hope people will understand that I try to move on from it.I hope that will people will want to keep in touch with me through texting and through here. I just hope people understand Im not leaving for any other reason but to make me happy.
Well anyways I guess this dream I had made me in an amazing mood today! :) Yesterday,I got a little feeling that it sucks to be alone and that all im gonna have to do is maybe be lucky or will have to wait for a while for someone to come around.I really don't like waiting and usually I don't have to wait for a while,I usually never had to but,I guess my love situation has completely changed after my last one. I have also been thinking about my him all weekend wondering how his doing and if maybe well see each other again and when it will be,but once again I haven't cried this weekend! :) I just had this amazing dream that I thought I would never have in such a long time. I don't want to get into specific details but,I had a dream about meeting a new man! :) Ah let me first say this,sorry guys,this was a very cute cute man! He was super cute and ahh lol it was heaven I guess you can say! It was just a dream I never though I would see or would even think about for a while. It was just something that makes me feel so refreshed right now and makes me feel happy that maybe this dream means something.Call me crazy but seriously some of my dreams really come true.They have for some of my friends that I dreamed about. I have had a lot of crazy dreams that showed people I know in it and when I saw it in reality it was really like wow I had a dream about this! Its sometimes crazy but scary at the time. Well anyways about my dream,the crazy thing was there was a bunch of people I never expected to have people in it. It of course had him in it for some reason,but im not surprised.The fact that I saw this new guy maybe means new signs of course but not for love just a lot of things in general.It was crazy how much I was into him and how much I liked him,but when I saw him I cant think of any guy who looks like him.I guess his name started with K.His name is nobody I know of personally so that's what was kinda of weird but I guess ill have to see.Its kinda of funny how after my dream,I woke up and got a text that somebody wants to meet me.How is that after a dream I have about a new guy that's going to come my way,I get a text that someone new wants to meet me?? The best part that I love about it is that I kept waking up from my dream and when I went back to sleep,it continued.I have never had a dream that I remember that continued on. Its so weird that your thought in your head can decide if it wants to continue the dream or if it doesn't.The fact that it continued is maybe a sign that this dream was a very important dream I had to see. I have no idea what the importance of it was,but I just thought about the dream the whole day.It makes me wonder a lot about dreams.Some dreams are exciting and some are depressing.I just still always wonder why we have dreams,and what are the meaning of them.Nobody really knows why we have it or what the meaning of them are,but the fact that maybe it helps you something that is going through life.I think its an amazing power have people and its amazing how sometimes we have no control over them,but we have them anyways. I just know that Im so happy it was able to make my mood that way it did.It made me very excited for whats about to come in my future.It made me have a feeling of positive things.I know this dream came at the most perfect time.
Im just so excited for this week.Im happy im working finally.Im happy that its a new month which will hopefully mean a new start.Im actually very excited to start school.I will maybe hopefully getting a laptop finally which is defiantly much needed for school.I don't really know whats going to happen with me paying for it,but it'll come together in the end. I know this week Im going to the doctor for my allergic reaction test,I hope that turns out okay and I finally find something Im allergic to.It kind of sucks,because I have to work with this patch on,and Ill also cant take showers with it on. I just really have been doing good.I know some of my other posts have been very down,but my posts are going to be emotionally up and down.Im still dealing with some hard stuff.I am not over anything yet,no matter how happy I may seem.I still feel like Im alone in some of this situation.I sometimes feel I don't really have a lot of people to talk.I still miss him so much.I still wish I could talk to him everyday.I still am grieving from what I had to go through.Im just trying my best to be as happy as I can be. Im looking at a lot of things that will be happening to me in the future,and I just have this feeling that a lot of it is going to be good. I just know that if Im a very down person,I will have some negative stuff happen to me.If I try my best to be positive,then I know somethings will become positive for me. I just know that I am defiantly getting some weird feelings now that Im going to be deleting my Facebook but like I said,im doing this for me and my happiness and there's nothing else I could say about that.
So to everyone who decides to finish off by reading my blogs from my post on my personal Facebook,well this is goodbye for a while. If you choose to read it more,you should join the blog's Facebok group or just know that link to this is http://taliamarcel.blogspot.com. I hope you visit once in a while cause I feel like its better then nothing if you at least read it once. I will be missing it in a way,but Im glad its over with.Im glad I can start doing more things in my life I need to do.Im glad Ill be able to find more happiness that I have been need to seek for a while now.Its been crazy how I have it for 5 years and how much things have changed and sometimes how much I changed from it.Just hope everybody enjoys it while I decide to leave from it,and all I hope is that people will still be reading this after I delete it.I love everybody so much and Im excited to say goodbye to it!! Goodbye Facebook til next time!!
I love you guys and be kind to one another!!
Love Always,
Talia Marcel <3 <3 <3
Well anyways I guess this dream I had made me in an amazing mood today! :) Yesterday,I got a little feeling that it sucks to be alone and that all im gonna have to do is maybe be lucky or will have to wait for a while for someone to come around.I really don't like waiting and usually I don't have to wait for a while,I usually never had to but,I guess my love situation has completely changed after my last one. I have also been thinking about my him all weekend wondering how his doing and if maybe well see each other again and when it will be,but once again I haven't cried this weekend! :) I just had this amazing dream that I thought I would never have in such a long time. I don't want to get into specific details but,I had a dream about meeting a new man! :) Ah let me first say this,sorry guys,this was a very cute cute man! He was super cute and ahh lol it was heaven I guess you can say! It was just a dream I never though I would see or would even think about for a while. It was just something that makes me feel so refreshed right now and makes me feel happy that maybe this dream means something.Call me crazy but seriously some of my dreams really come true.They have for some of my friends that I dreamed about. I have had a lot of crazy dreams that showed people I know in it and when I saw it in reality it was really like wow I had a dream about this! Its sometimes crazy but scary at the time. Well anyways about my dream,the crazy thing was there was a bunch of people I never expected to have people in it. It of course had him in it for some reason,but im not surprised.The fact that I saw this new guy maybe means new signs of course but not for love just a lot of things in general.It was crazy how much I was into him and how much I liked him,but when I saw him I cant think of any guy who looks like him.I guess his name started with K.His name is nobody I know of personally so that's what was kinda of weird but I guess ill have to see.Its kinda of funny how after my dream,I woke up and got a text that somebody wants to meet me.How is that after a dream I have about a new guy that's going to come my way,I get a text that someone new wants to meet me?? The best part that I love about it is that I kept waking up from my dream and when I went back to sleep,it continued.I have never had a dream that I remember that continued on. Its so weird that your thought in your head can decide if it wants to continue the dream or if it doesn't.The fact that it continued is maybe a sign that this dream was a very important dream I had to see. I have no idea what the importance of it was,but I just thought about the dream the whole day.It makes me wonder a lot about dreams.Some dreams are exciting and some are depressing.I just still always wonder why we have dreams,and what are the meaning of them.Nobody really knows why we have it or what the meaning of them are,but the fact that maybe it helps you something that is going through life.I think its an amazing power have people and its amazing how sometimes we have no control over them,but we have them anyways. I just know that Im so happy it was able to make my mood that way it did.It made me very excited for whats about to come in my future.It made me have a feeling of positive things.I know this dream came at the most perfect time.
Im just so excited for this week.Im happy im working finally.Im happy that its a new month which will hopefully mean a new start.Im actually very excited to start school.I will maybe hopefully getting a laptop finally which is defiantly much needed for school.I don't really know whats going to happen with me paying for it,but it'll come together in the end. I know this week Im going to the doctor for my allergic reaction test,I hope that turns out okay and I finally find something Im allergic to.It kind of sucks,because I have to work with this patch on,and Ill also cant take showers with it on. I just really have been doing good.I know some of my other posts have been very down,but my posts are going to be emotionally up and down.Im still dealing with some hard stuff.I am not over anything yet,no matter how happy I may seem.I still feel like Im alone in some of this situation.I sometimes feel I don't really have a lot of people to talk.I still miss him so much.I still wish I could talk to him everyday.I still am grieving from what I had to go through.Im just trying my best to be as happy as I can be. Im looking at a lot of things that will be happening to me in the future,and I just have this feeling that a lot of it is going to be good. I just know that if Im a very down person,I will have some negative stuff happen to me.If I try my best to be positive,then I know somethings will become positive for me. I just know that I am defiantly getting some weird feelings now that Im going to be deleting my Facebook but like I said,im doing this for me and my happiness and there's nothing else I could say about that.
So to everyone who decides to finish off by reading my blogs from my post on my personal Facebook,well this is goodbye for a while. If you choose to read it more,you should join the blog's Facebok group or just know that link to this is http://taliamarcel.blogspot.com. I hope you visit once in a while cause I feel like its better then nothing if you at least read it once. I will be missing it in a way,but Im glad its over with.Im glad I can start doing more things in my life I need to do.Im glad Ill be able to find more happiness that I have been need to seek for a while now.Its been crazy how I have it for 5 years and how much things have changed and sometimes how much I changed from it.Just hope everybody enjoys it while I decide to leave from it,and all I hope is that people will still be reading this after I delete it.I love everybody so much and Im excited to say goodbye to it!! Goodbye Facebook til next time!!
I love you guys and be kind to one another!!
Love Always,
Talia Marcel <3 <3 <3
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