So I would like to say that this feeling about today being my last day on Facebook is a very bittersweet feeling! :) I have been going crazy thinking to myself should I do it today or a week or in a month,but I promised myself I would do it on July 31st,2011.So today has come! I will be doing it tonight and I feel so weird that im about to do this.Nobody looks at me at deleting social networks,but I have to! Its a must and I know in the end I will be more happy! :) So like I said in my last post,this is a crazy feeling and I explained why I choose to delete but its my choice and like I said it'll make me more happy! :) Im still scared sometimes I will be alone,and I will feel at times that people will not remember that I have a phone and there is a thing called text.I just hope people will understand that I try to move on from it.I hope that will people will want to keep in touch with me through texting and through here. I just hope people understand Im not leaving for any other reason but to make me happy.
Well anyways I guess this dream I had made me in an amazing mood today! :) Yesterday,I got a little feeling that it sucks to be alone and that all im gonna have to do is maybe be lucky or will have to wait for a while for someone to come around.I really don't like waiting and usually I don't have to wait for a while,I usually never had to but,I guess my love situation has completely changed after my last one. I have also been thinking about my him all weekend wondering how his doing and if maybe well see each other again and when it will be,but once again I haven't cried this weekend! :) I just had this amazing dream that I thought I would never have in such a long time. I don't want to get into specific details but,I had a dream about meeting a new man! :) Ah let me first say this,sorry guys,this was a very cute cute man! He was super cute and ahh lol it was heaven I guess you can say! It was just a dream I never though I would see or would even think about for a while. It was just something that makes me feel so refreshed right now and makes me feel happy that maybe this dream means something.Call me crazy but seriously some of my dreams really come true.They have for some of my friends that I dreamed about. I have had a lot of crazy dreams that showed people I know in it and when I saw it in reality it was really like wow I had a dream about this! Its sometimes crazy but scary at the time. Well anyways about my dream,the crazy thing was there was a bunch of people I never expected to have people in it. It of course had him in it for some reason,but im not surprised.The fact that I saw this new guy maybe means new signs of course but not for love just a lot of things in general.It was crazy how much I was into him and how much I liked him,but when I saw him I cant think of any guy who looks like him.I guess his name started with K.His name is nobody I know of personally so that's what was kinda of weird but I guess ill have to see.Its kinda of funny how after my dream,I woke up and got a text that somebody wants to meet me.How is that after a dream I have about a new guy that's going to come my way,I get a text that someone new wants to meet me?? The best part that I love about it is that I kept waking up from my dream and when I went back to sleep,it continued.I have never had a dream that I remember that continued on. Its so weird that your thought in your head can decide if it wants to continue the dream or if it doesn't.The fact that it continued is maybe a sign that this dream was a very important dream I had to see. I have no idea what the importance of it was,but I just thought about the dream the whole day.It makes me wonder a lot about dreams.Some dreams are exciting and some are depressing.I just still always wonder why we have dreams,and what are the meaning of them.Nobody really knows why we have it or what the meaning of them are,but the fact that maybe it helps you something that is going through life.I think its an amazing power have people and its amazing how sometimes we have no control over them,but we have them anyways. I just know that Im so happy it was able to make my mood that way it did.It made me very excited for whats about to come in my future.It made me have a feeling of positive things.I know this dream came at the most perfect time.
Im just so excited for this week.Im happy im working finally.Im happy that its a new month which will hopefully mean a new start.Im actually very excited to start school.I will maybe hopefully getting a laptop finally which is defiantly much needed for school.I don't really know whats going to happen with me paying for it,but it'll come together in the end. I know this week Im going to the doctor for my allergic reaction test,I hope that turns out okay and I finally find something Im allergic to.It kind of sucks,because I have to work with this patch on,and Ill also cant take showers with it on. I just really have been doing good.I know some of my other posts have been very down,but my posts are going to be emotionally up and down.Im still dealing with some hard stuff.I am not over anything yet,no matter how happy I may seem.I still feel like Im alone in some of this situation.I sometimes feel I don't really have a lot of people to talk.I still miss him so much.I still wish I could talk to him everyday.I still am grieving from what I had to go through.Im just trying my best to be as happy as I can be. Im looking at a lot of things that will be happening to me in the future,and I just have this feeling that a lot of it is going to be good. I just know that if Im a very down person,I will have some negative stuff happen to me.If I try my best to be positive,then I know somethings will become positive for me. I just know that I am defiantly getting some weird feelings now that Im going to be deleting my Facebook but like I said,im doing this for me and my happiness and there's nothing else I could say about that.
So to everyone who decides to finish off by reading my blogs from my post on my personal Facebook,well this is goodbye for a while. If you choose to read it more,you should join the blog's Facebok group or just know that link to this is http://taliamarcel.blogspot.com. I hope you visit once in a while cause I feel like its better then nothing if you at least read it once. I will be missing it in a way,but Im glad its over with.Im glad I can start doing more things in my life I need to do.Im glad Ill be able to find more happiness that I have been need to seek for a while now.Its been crazy how I have it for 5 years and how much things have changed and sometimes how much I changed from it.Just hope everybody enjoys it while I decide to leave from it,and all I hope is that people will still be reading this after I delete it.I love everybody so much and Im excited to say goodbye to it!! Goodbye Facebook til next time!!
I love you guys and be kind to one another!!
Love Always,
Talia Marcel <3 <3 <3
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Friday, July 29, 2011
Goodbye Facebook.
Im so sorry for not writing yesterday,I had a busy day and just didn't have the time to really write a blog,which in a way is good thing,because I need to be busy.Its the best for me to busy right now.I have realized this blog is my life right now.I love it so much I want to continue writing on this for a while.I know im not very good at it and I have many mistakes,but Im trying my best and to be honest it does help me let my emotions out. I know a lot of people have given me some very good comments,and some very negative comments.I guess the best way to put this is Im doing this for myself,but Im wanting people to join me through it and follow me along.
Well anyways,Im pretty sure tomorrow I will not have time to write a blog because Im planning on going to Elitches,which is much needed since I haven't gone this summer yet which is kinda of surprising,so I think tonight is really where Im doing to write about saying goodbye to the most addicting site ever,Facebook.
As you guys have read since the beginning of my blog,I have decided to delete my facebook for a good amount of time.I made this decision for the sake of me.I knew that Facebook was helping me distract myself at times,but at the same time would make me very sad. I had to see a lot of things on Facebook that would make me mad or get me aggravated.I would look at people's photos or statues and would get made sometimes I couldn't go out or that I didn't have many pictures to show.It was the small things I felt like I cared so much.Everybody today I feel like care a lot about what is on Facebook.A lot of people care what pose they do,what status they write,even some people feel like they need to tag everywhere they go. I have nothing against it,just why should I let a website run my life? Im not trying to say that Facebook is a bad website,I just know that I have seen so much go on since Ive been on facebook.I have always felt like I had to write a status because I wanted some to like it because I know how good of a feeling it is when people like your status.I felt like I had get all cute for a picture I was going to be tagged on or was going to post.I just don't need that right now in my life.I really need to think about more important things.I need to think about whats going to happen with me in school,my jobs Im planning on getting,and where im going after.I feel like if I go on Facebook Im just going to be feeling down on myself.I set this goal for myself,and I promised myself I would stick to it.A lot of people didn't believe me when I told them I made this decision.Some people laughed and said that I love it so much and I love going on it,why should I delete it. Like I said before,I have nothing against Facebook,there has been so many good outcomes that have come from it.I have met some amazing people through it,yeah im going to admit it I met some people online.I have also been able to connect with some of my old friends that I really felt like I wasn't going to have a connection with anymore. Ive been able to keep in contact with my cousin's that live in different part's of America and live in Israel. I have obviously been able to find some happiness in the pictures I was able to post,and I have just found so much good through Facebook that some of it I cant explain. Trust me,when I delete it it will be a bittersweet feeling.I promise you that.I probably will be trying to go on it everyday through my phone,(I deleted my facebook application on my phone 2 months ago.Seriously.) I will be wishing if I took a picture with someone,I could be tagged in and change my profile picture. I will be defiantly think about statues I wish I could post on my profile and wishing I could share every second of my life on their.To be honest though,I keep think of all the positives I will have when I do delete it.I will be able to go out and do stuff instead of sitting in front of my computer or phone and staring out what people are doing or what people are saying.I would love to hear people are doing and stuff,but I would rather from a text or a phone call or us hanging out.I would love to keep in touch with people while its deleted.Ive sent a few messages to help saying I would love to keep in touch through phone,(I really would like to keep in touch by phone,please ask me for my number if you would like keep in touch.) I just know I need this more then ever.I don't care what people will think or say about it.Im so proud of myself for doing it to be honest.I feel like Im showing people that Im strong enough to delete something I usually was on 24/7.I never really had a day where I wasn't on facebook especially since it got easier and easier to go on your phone. I want to show you guys that sometimes there is more important things then the computer.I feel like if anyone else would decide to delete their facebook,I think your the strongest person in the world.All of us are so connected to technology,it sometimes sucks.I hate how sometimes I feel like I need my phone with me everywhere,when really I don't want my phone everywhere with me.I know having a phone is more of a privilege then a need,but I know I cant live without it.I feel like that's how Facebook started off for me.I know its on technology,but it is also just a website.I felt like the website was an actual computer and there was nothing else on it but Facebook. I do however know that I will be able to live without Facebook. I don't really know how long I will be off of it,but I know that ill be gone for a while.I know that some people will look at me,and think I wont be able to last,but I have really high hopes for me,and know in a couple of weeks,Ill be so happy I deleted it.I even am letting someone change my facebook password and my facebook's e-mail password so I wont have access to go on to it. I will still be on facebook,but only for my blog's facebook group,which I would really love for everybody to join,it would truly mean a lot to me. I don't consider it as me going on facebook,as I wont be posting blogs or I don't have a picture of myself,which I would like to mention ill be posting picture on here in a little bit because Im getting a laptop finally! I wont be adding people to my facebook.I will be only doing it for the purpose of my blog's group page.This is really a goodbye to Facebook for a while.Theres nothing left I can say that I have enjoyed it for the past 5 years.I have been amazed to see amazing things on there.I cant be anymore happy that I was able to connect to new people,and Ill be hoping for the best to everybody for who I don't keep in touch with.Goodbye Facebook.<3
I guess this blog is just dedicated to me leaving Facebook.There hasn't really been much bad going on.There has been some changes I have seen in the past two days.It has been very good changes.I was very happy that I was able to talk to my counselor about what I wrote on here on Wednesday and it was great to know that she really is helping me through some of this.Its great to know that me writing is helping me get through some of this.I truly love writing.I would also like to mention to the people who think this blog is really like a "diary or a journal" about my life,it is completely untrue.Lately,I have been receiving e-mails and messages about people who are going through the same thing as me.They have told me who that I was a very strong person for doing this and I should never stop and continue what Im doing. It is amazing when I see those messages.It first shows me people really are reading this.Im not alone.The only thing I could really say to those people was that I would love to be contact with them,because I want to let them know they aren't alone. I just want to say to everyone who has doubted me about this,or hasn't supported me through this,that's proof that even if im not giving advice I can truly help someone,and that's all that matters.
I really love all of you guys and Im so glad I decided to begin this because without it,I don't know what I would have done. I would really like to encourage people to please join my blog's facebook if you have not already done so.If you would like to know when I post a new blog or information about anything,that is where your going to find out. The link is http://www.facebook.com/groups/220049844705230. I would love for you to join it.
I love you and be kind to one another.
Love Always,
Talia Marcel <3
Well anyways,Im pretty sure tomorrow I will not have time to write a blog because Im planning on going to Elitches,which is much needed since I haven't gone this summer yet which is kinda of surprising,so I think tonight is really where Im doing to write about saying goodbye to the most addicting site ever,Facebook.
As you guys have read since the beginning of my blog,I have decided to delete my facebook for a good amount of time.I made this decision for the sake of me.I knew that Facebook was helping me distract myself at times,but at the same time would make me very sad. I had to see a lot of things on Facebook that would make me mad or get me aggravated.I would look at people's photos or statues and would get made sometimes I couldn't go out or that I didn't have many pictures to show.It was the small things I felt like I cared so much.Everybody today I feel like care a lot about what is on Facebook.A lot of people care what pose they do,what status they write,even some people feel like they need to tag everywhere they go. I have nothing against it,just why should I let a website run my life? Im not trying to say that Facebook is a bad website,I just know that I have seen so much go on since Ive been on facebook.I have always felt like I had to write a status because I wanted some to like it because I know how good of a feeling it is when people like your status.I felt like I had get all cute for a picture I was going to be tagged on or was going to post.I just don't need that right now in my life.I really need to think about more important things.I need to think about whats going to happen with me in school,my jobs Im planning on getting,and where im going after.I feel like if I go on Facebook Im just going to be feeling down on myself.I set this goal for myself,and I promised myself I would stick to it.A lot of people didn't believe me when I told them I made this decision.Some people laughed and said that I love it so much and I love going on it,why should I delete it. Like I said before,I have nothing against Facebook,there has been so many good outcomes that have come from it.I have met some amazing people through it,yeah im going to admit it I met some people online.I have also been able to connect with some of my old friends that I really felt like I wasn't going to have a connection with anymore. Ive been able to keep in contact with my cousin's that live in different part's of America and live in Israel. I have obviously been able to find some happiness in the pictures I was able to post,and I have just found so much good through Facebook that some of it I cant explain. Trust me,when I delete it it will be a bittersweet feeling.I promise you that.I probably will be trying to go on it everyday through my phone,(I deleted my facebook application on my phone 2 months ago.Seriously.) I will be wishing if I took a picture with someone,I could be tagged in and change my profile picture. I will be defiantly think about statues I wish I could post on my profile and wishing I could share every second of my life on their.To be honest though,I keep think of all the positives I will have when I do delete it.I will be able to go out and do stuff instead of sitting in front of my computer or phone and staring out what people are doing or what people are saying.I would love to hear people are doing and stuff,but I would rather from a text or a phone call or us hanging out.I would love to keep in touch with people while its deleted.Ive sent a few messages to help saying I would love to keep in touch through phone,(I really would like to keep in touch by phone,please ask me for my number if you would like keep in touch.) I just know I need this more then ever.I don't care what people will think or say about it.Im so proud of myself for doing it to be honest.I feel like Im showing people that Im strong enough to delete something I usually was on 24/7.I never really had a day where I wasn't on facebook especially since it got easier and easier to go on your phone. I want to show you guys that sometimes there is more important things then the computer.I feel like if anyone else would decide to delete their facebook,I think your the strongest person in the world.All of us are so connected to technology,it sometimes sucks.I hate how sometimes I feel like I need my phone with me everywhere,when really I don't want my phone everywhere with me.I know having a phone is more of a privilege then a need,but I know I cant live without it.I feel like that's how Facebook started off for me.I know its on technology,but it is also just a website.I felt like the website was an actual computer and there was nothing else on it but Facebook. I do however know that I will be able to live without Facebook. I don't really know how long I will be off of it,but I know that ill be gone for a while.I know that some people will look at me,and think I wont be able to last,but I have really high hopes for me,and know in a couple of weeks,Ill be so happy I deleted it.I even am letting someone change my facebook password and my facebook's e-mail password so I wont have access to go on to it. I will still be on facebook,but only for my blog's facebook group,which I would really love for everybody to join,it would truly mean a lot to me. I don't consider it as me going on facebook,as I wont be posting blogs or I don't have a picture of myself,which I would like to mention ill be posting picture on here in a little bit because Im getting a laptop finally! I wont be adding people to my facebook.I will be only doing it for the purpose of my blog's group page.This is really a goodbye to Facebook for a while.Theres nothing left I can say that I have enjoyed it for the past 5 years.I have been amazed to see amazing things on there.I cant be anymore happy that I was able to connect to new people,and Ill be hoping for the best to everybody for who I don't keep in touch with.Goodbye Facebook.<3
I guess this blog is just dedicated to me leaving Facebook.There hasn't really been much bad going on.There has been some changes I have seen in the past two days.It has been very good changes.I was very happy that I was able to talk to my counselor about what I wrote on here on Wednesday and it was great to know that she really is helping me through some of this.Its great to know that me writing is helping me get through some of this.I truly love writing.I would also like to mention to the people who think this blog is really like a "diary or a journal" about my life,it is completely untrue.Lately,I have been receiving e-mails and messages about people who are going through the same thing as me.They have told me who that I was a very strong person for doing this and I should never stop and continue what Im doing. It is amazing when I see those messages.It first shows me people really are reading this.Im not alone.The only thing I could really say to those people was that I would love to be contact with them,because I want to let them know they aren't alone. I just want to say to everyone who has doubted me about this,or hasn't supported me through this,that's proof that even if im not giving advice I can truly help someone,and that's all that matters.
I really love all of you guys and Im so glad I decided to begin this because without it,I don't know what I would have done. I would really like to encourage people to please join my blog's facebook if you have not already done so.If you would like to know when I post a new blog or information about anything,that is where your going to find out. The link is http://www.facebook.com/groups/220049844705230. I would love for you to join it.
I love you and be kind to one another.
Love Always,
Talia Marcel <3
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Im not emotionally okay yet.
First off,I would like to thank everybody who stood up to me because of that lady and what she said.If you want to see it you can go see it on my facebook group. It means a lot of how many people got my back for that. Ill continue about it more later.
Well I guess right now,all I can say is im emotional not okay yet.I feel like I have just been so confused and just pretty much speechless these past few days.I don't know what to think anymore.I can say that im still emotionally hurt.Things still get to me.Im still so depressed I guess you can say from everything.Its not really anyone's fault,or there really isn't anyone I want to blame for this.Its just the fact that I just don't know where to go from here.I don't know what to think anymore.I try to be the most positive person I can,just whenever I am,something comes up like always. I guess one of things I feel like im most hurt is the fact that a lot of people have been questioning about my weight.Lately,I have been getting a lot of comments on how skinny Ive become. I know some people feel like I haven't really lost any weight,but the truth is I have.I have lost 40 pounds in the last 3-4 months.Some people look at me and think "Wow Talia! Look at how skinny you are,how did you do it?" The only answer I really say is I don't eat a lot.The truth is I guess I just was so hurt and sad over a lot of things,I just didn't care to eat. I didn't care to take care of my body or take of anything. I feel like sometimes I should be embarrassed if I tell someone,I did it cause I was depressed.I couldn't really control how much weight I lost.Now,I keep losing more then I should be,when I thought I was slowly slowly suppose to get over it.My height is usually more skinner then what I currently weight,but for my life style,I know im not healthy.I sometimes look at myself and look at my stomach,and say wow Talia you look great.In my head though,I tell myself Talia,this isn't good.Being how I kept getting all these comments about being so skinny,I also got a comment saying how I still have a stomach.Like I said in the beginning of this blog,Im still emotionally not okay.So of course that hurt me.Of course I felt like I should be eating less so I could be more skinner to make people happy.I know I shouldn't be thinking this way,just in the past I always got made fun of for being fat,so when I grew older it was sometimes a struggle for me to lose weight.Now that I lost the weight I thought I would be able to lose more,so I wouldn't have to worry anymore about being commented on it.The truth is I got the comment that says Im too skinny.
I guess this brings out my next topic I wanted to talk about and that I finally realized when I shouldn't have started crying.Today I was driving to an important thing,and while I was driving,this song came up.This song is a song I used to listen to a lot in 8th grade when I went through my depression.I don't know why at the time I was listening to the radio,I heard the song. The song was I Can by Nas. There was one lyric in the song that he say's which really got to me. The lyric that got to me the most was his chorus which is: "I know I can,Be what I wanna be,If I work hard at it,I'll be where I wanna be." That lyric made me start crying but knowing that I had to go somewhere important,I had to hold it in.I wiped off my tears and stopped crying. That lyric really got to me because like I said in my last post,I felt like I was a failure for not doing good in my school last semester.I kept repeating that lyric in my head,and kept saying to myself,Talia why did you let your self become this bad?? Why did I put myself through all of this,when I was able to stop a long time ago?? Why do I still feel like I have nothing solved and nothing is going right for me no matter how hard I tried?? There really is no answer I can give you because I don't know.Its not easy.Its very hard,and that's why sometimes I feel like people don't understand why sometimes I feel so alone or why I get so negative on myself.No matter how many people I tell,I still get the same answer,the answer Im sick of hearing. Like Im saying,Im not emotionally okay.
So for everyone who doesn't know what comment I got from that lady,I got it on my blog's facebook page.It was pretty much saying that I was horrible writer and that im not "professional" enough for her.It was saying that me giving a gift card to get people to join a page was kinda stupid I guess is what you can say and saying how she didn't want it.Well some people decided to bash back at her,while I still have nothing to say to her.I guess lately I have been telling a lot of people to share with other people so people will know I have a blog,and since Im deleting my facebook,I want people to keep in touch with me.Most of my traffic comes from Facebook,and I felt like when I delete it,no body will read it.I guess im sorry to the people who I pushed them to do it,but really like I said the whole point why I wanted to do this was because,I wanted a lot of people to read it.I felt like the only way I got people to read it was through Facebook. I still don't know what's going to happen with this blog when I delete it on Sunday,but I just pray I get more people reading it. Earlier today,I got very hurt from the comment she told me.It really sucks though,because I know that I used never get hurt by a stupid comment.I would have talked back to her,but I guess this time I just got simply hurt.I felt like maybe what she said was kinda of true,because in a way,I still don't have people joining.If you really want to know how many times I have tried to get people to join the group,I put it on 10 sites.I literally tried everything to get people to join it.You know I keep talking about a gift certificate,that's how bad I wanted people to join.I was willing to give out $75 bucks that I kinda don't really have.It was cause I was scared.I was scared no one cared to read it anymore. I was scared that everyone would forget the link it was.I was scared that I was writing this for nothing.I felt like nobody thought I really had a story and there was nothing really I should be writing or nothing I should be feeling sad about and that all Im trying to say is that I have a horrible life,when really like I said I never thought that. I just know ive been threw very tough things,and they are happening right now.I know that there have been a lot of tough things I had to deal with as a kid and while I was growing up.You may look at it like it wasn't hard or tough,but the pain I went through and the emotions I went through,were tough. Sometimes people tell me that I should appreciate everything I have and shouldn't complain so much about my life,the truth is I do.Its just not very easy to say I don't have nothing going on my life or there's other people's life's who are worse,because I know that its hard for what im going through.I felt like if I could really be open about something,people might not think that anymore,but like I have said before,I'm not going to say it for the sake of me and for the sake of not being bashed.I guess I will tell you this,I wont stop this.I will try my hardest to feel like that I will have people who will read this. Trust me its going to be hard to do it,but It really will help me to share my facebook page.Maybe I wont do the gift card idea.I just really want people to know I'm going to keep writing when I delete it. So if you're reading this and have a facebook,I ask you one favor and please if you get a chance please share that page.Please from the bottom my heart.
I guess the last thing I should talk about is the topic I sometimes wish I didn't have to talk about,but know its on my mind 24/7. Lately its been really hard for me to admit to myself that I miss him.I miss him a lot and I know a lot of people will always tell me im crazy,but I really cant stop thinking about him.I miss him a lot.I lost my best friend.It doesn't matter if we talk or not.I just want him back in my life again,and like I will always say,I hate how it got to this point.I hate how I can never text him or never call him when I have a problem.I hate how I cant be open to him anymore.I hate how there's days I need him the most,and Im too scared his with her.I hate how I feel like im such a negative person,that why would he want to talk to to me anymore? I feel like Im not her so why would I matter anymore.He moved on and there's really nothing there anymore.Im never going to be her.I know that in a way he was probably happy and he loved me for who I was.I don't get what I did so wrong.I tryed moving on and tried like another guy,but all he told me was that he thought I wanted a relationship and he didnt want to to rush into things.Which makes me feel like I was such a bad person,to make guys feel like that.I don't get it.It just makes my head go back to him.Go back to how much I miss and how much I want to have our relationship back.Its so hard when you fall in love with someone so deep,and right away there gone in a second.I never know if I will ever get him back,I feel like all I do is think about him.I wonder where he is.I wonder if I will ever just run into him.I sometimes sit and just look at my phone hoping to get a call from him.Theres no more hope.Time I guess will heal everything right? Except,Im so sick of time.Im so sick of waiting and so sick of not knowing whats going to happen to us.Its so confusing and the hard part is,I still cry over it and still get upset over it cause I cant personally help myself now.Im personally not strong enough to get over it yet.Im not strong enough to really tell myself im over it.Im not strong enough to say I don't love him anymore,because the truth is Im truly lying to myself.I love him a lot. I will always love him.I cant change it,and I don't know whats going to happen.I just need an answer and I need it quick,cause all I do is think about him,and think how about how much I miss us,knowing that there will never be an us ever again.
I need to start this job really soon,and I cant wait to start it.I really need this and I just really felt like I was glad I could open up a little bit more tonight,and I hope if I do have readers,someone learned something or got touched by something,Im glad you read it cause I sat here for an hour trying my hardest to say what I could say.
Until next time. . . .
I love you all so much.Be kind to one another.
Love Always,
Talia Marcel <3
Well I guess right now,all I can say is im emotional not okay yet.I feel like I have just been so confused and just pretty much speechless these past few days.I don't know what to think anymore.I can say that im still emotionally hurt.Things still get to me.Im still so depressed I guess you can say from everything.Its not really anyone's fault,or there really isn't anyone I want to blame for this.Its just the fact that I just don't know where to go from here.I don't know what to think anymore.I try to be the most positive person I can,just whenever I am,something comes up like always. I guess one of things I feel like im most hurt is the fact that a lot of people have been questioning about my weight.Lately,I have been getting a lot of comments on how skinny Ive become. I know some people feel like I haven't really lost any weight,but the truth is I have.I have lost 40 pounds in the last 3-4 months.Some people look at me and think "Wow Talia! Look at how skinny you are,how did you do it?" The only answer I really say is I don't eat a lot.The truth is I guess I just was so hurt and sad over a lot of things,I just didn't care to eat. I didn't care to take care of my body or take of anything. I feel like sometimes I should be embarrassed if I tell someone,I did it cause I was depressed.I couldn't really control how much weight I lost.Now,I keep losing more then I should be,when I thought I was slowly slowly suppose to get over it.My height is usually more skinner then what I currently weight,but for my life style,I know im not healthy.I sometimes look at myself and look at my stomach,and say wow Talia you look great.In my head though,I tell myself Talia,this isn't good.Being how I kept getting all these comments about being so skinny,I also got a comment saying how I still have a stomach.Like I said in the beginning of this blog,Im still emotionally not okay.So of course that hurt me.Of course I felt like I should be eating less so I could be more skinner to make people happy.I know I shouldn't be thinking this way,just in the past I always got made fun of for being fat,so when I grew older it was sometimes a struggle for me to lose weight.Now that I lost the weight I thought I would be able to lose more,so I wouldn't have to worry anymore about being commented on it.The truth is I got the comment that says Im too skinny.
I guess this brings out my next topic I wanted to talk about and that I finally realized when I shouldn't have started crying.Today I was driving to an important thing,and while I was driving,this song came up.This song is a song I used to listen to a lot in 8th grade when I went through my depression.I don't know why at the time I was listening to the radio,I heard the song. The song was I Can by Nas. There was one lyric in the song that he say's which really got to me. The lyric that got to me the most was his chorus which is: "I know I can,Be what I wanna be,If I work hard at it,I'll be where I wanna be." That lyric made me start crying but knowing that I had to go somewhere important,I had to hold it in.I wiped off my tears and stopped crying. That lyric really got to me because like I said in my last post,I felt like I was a failure for not doing good in my school last semester.I kept repeating that lyric in my head,and kept saying to myself,Talia why did you let your self become this bad?? Why did I put myself through all of this,when I was able to stop a long time ago?? Why do I still feel like I have nothing solved and nothing is going right for me no matter how hard I tried?? There really is no answer I can give you because I don't know.Its not easy.Its very hard,and that's why sometimes I feel like people don't understand why sometimes I feel so alone or why I get so negative on myself.No matter how many people I tell,I still get the same answer,the answer Im sick of hearing. Like Im saying,Im not emotionally okay.
So for everyone who doesn't know what comment I got from that lady,I got it on my blog's facebook page.It was pretty much saying that I was horrible writer and that im not "professional" enough for her.It was saying that me giving a gift card to get people to join a page was kinda stupid I guess is what you can say and saying how she didn't want it.Well some people decided to bash back at her,while I still have nothing to say to her.I guess lately I have been telling a lot of people to share with other people so people will know I have a blog,and since Im deleting my facebook,I want people to keep in touch with me.Most of my traffic comes from Facebook,and I felt like when I delete it,no body will read it.I guess im sorry to the people who I pushed them to do it,but really like I said the whole point why I wanted to do this was because,I wanted a lot of people to read it.I felt like the only way I got people to read it was through Facebook. I still don't know what's going to happen with this blog when I delete it on Sunday,but I just pray I get more people reading it. Earlier today,I got very hurt from the comment she told me.It really sucks though,because I know that I used never get hurt by a stupid comment.I would have talked back to her,but I guess this time I just got simply hurt.I felt like maybe what she said was kinda of true,because in a way,I still don't have people joining.If you really want to know how many times I have tried to get people to join the group,I put it on 10 sites.I literally tried everything to get people to join it.You know I keep talking about a gift certificate,that's how bad I wanted people to join.I was willing to give out $75 bucks that I kinda don't really have.It was cause I was scared.I was scared no one cared to read it anymore. I was scared that everyone would forget the link it was.I was scared that I was writing this for nothing.I felt like nobody thought I really had a story and there was nothing really I should be writing or nothing I should be feeling sad about and that all Im trying to say is that I have a horrible life,when really like I said I never thought that. I just know ive been threw very tough things,and they are happening right now.I know that there have been a lot of tough things I had to deal with as a kid and while I was growing up.You may look at it like it wasn't hard or tough,but the pain I went through and the emotions I went through,were tough. Sometimes people tell me that I should appreciate everything I have and shouldn't complain so much about my life,the truth is I do.Its just not very easy to say I don't have nothing going on my life or there's other people's life's who are worse,because I know that its hard for what im going through.I felt like if I could really be open about something,people might not think that anymore,but like I have said before,I'm not going to say it for the sake of me and for the sake of not being bashed.I guess I will tell you this,I wont stop this.I will try my hardest to feel like that I will have people who will read this. Trust me its going to be hard to do it,but It really will help me to share my facebook page.Maybe I wont do the gift card idea.I just really want people to know I'm going to keep writing when I delete it. So if you're reading this and have a facebook,I ask you one favor and please if you get a chance please share that page.Please from the bottom my heart.
I guess the last thing I should talk about is the topic I sometimes wish I didn't have to talk about,but know its on my mind 24/7. Lately its been really hard for me to admit to myself that I miss him.I miss him a lot and I know a lot of people will always tell me im crazy,but I really cant stop thinking about him.I miss him a lot.I lost my best friend.It doesn't matter if we talk or not.I just want him back in my life again,and like I will always say,I hate how it got to this point.I hate how I can never text him or never call him when I have a problem.I hate how I cant be open to him anymore.I hate how there's days I need him the most,and Im too scared his with her.I hate how I feel like im such a negative person,that why would he want to talk to to me anymore? I feel like Im not her so why would I matter anymore.He moved on and there's really nothing there anymore.Im never going to be her.I know that in a way he was probably happy and he loved me for who I was.I don't get what I did so wrong.I tryed moving on and tried like another guy,but all he told me was that he thought I wanted a relationship and he didnt want to to rush into things.Which makes me feel like I was such a bad person,to make guys feel like that.I don't get it.It just makes my head go back to him.Go back to how much I miss and how much I want to have our relationship back.Its so hard when you fall in love with someone so deep,and right away there gone in a second.I never know if I will ever get him back,I feel like all I do is think about him.I wonder where he is.I wonder if I will ever just run into him.I sometimes sit and just look at my phone hoping to get a call from him.Theres no more hope.Time I guess will heal everything right? Except,Im so sick of time.Im so sick of waiting and so sick of not knowing whats going to happen to us.Its so confusing and the hard part is,I still cry over it and still get upset over it cause I cant personally help myself now.Im personally not strong enough to get over it yet.Im not strong enough to really tell myself im over it.Im not strong enough to say I don't love him anymore,because the truth is Im truly lying to myself.I love him a lot. I will always love him.I cant change it,and I don't know whats going to happen.I just need an answer and I need it quick,cause all I do is think about him,and think how about how much I miss us,knowing that there will never be an us ever again.
I need to start this job really soon,and I cant wait to start it.I really need this and I just really felt like I was glad I could open up a little bit more tonight,and I hope if I do have readers,someone learned something or got touched by something,Im glad you read it cause I sat here for an hour trying my hardest to say what I could say.
Until next time. . . .
I love you all so much.Be kind to one another.
Love Always,
Talia Marcel <3
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
When you go through a pothole down the road.
You know when you get that feeling when your driving and all of a sudden you hit that pothole and you just yell or get mad cause you hit it? Well last night I hit a big pothole and I guess I hit another one this past semester in school. I thought I felt like everything in my life was going up.I thought I was suppose to start going to school and start having this amazing jobs.I had an amazing and happy blog last night,but like I said your always going to hit a pothole.I was suppose to get the feeling that im finally happy and that I should be positive. I feel like I failed and I am a failure.I guess its a good thing that when I feel like writing on here it will maybe cheer me up.
I wish school's understood that sometimes you go through hard things and that it will sometimes effect your schooling. I wish school's understood that we are all human and we have problems sometimes our problems will effect us in school.Well I guess last semester is what caused me to do so bad in school. I didn't do good at all. I was just so sad from things that were going on in my life,I didn't care to do good in school.I had to go through a hard time this whole semester.Not only in my personal life but even in school.I had horrible teachers these semester who were barely in school to help their students out.Two of them didn't even check their e-mails.I even had to switch math teachers and that took a month for me to switch cause I kept filling out the wrong papers,which made get behind in my class.One teacher didn't even care to help me pass the class which made me have to leave the class. The other teacher was a part-time teacher and doctor.She didn't even know what she was teaching and the only way you got grades were your test.I took all my tests and studied for them but she didn't even give me credit for anything which made me not pass the class. I had a horrible GPA this semester,and now I see what I get for getting horrible grades. I feel like maybe I shouldn't even go to school this semester. I feel like maybe I should just be working and maybe if im lucky next semester to get help ill go to school.Im pretty much a freshman in college until I finish with my math class,which I cant even pass.Its basic math and I cant even pass it im so bad at math.I tried so hard to do good this first year,but everything just kept piling up this semester especially dealing with my personal life.It just sucks having to get this feeling and knowing it was all from stuff you did the past.I know now that I am doing better,at least trying to get better,and I know that this semester if Im still going to school I really need to put in my all and try the hardest I can. Like I said on my title,sometimes you hit a pothole and this past semester I hit a pothole.I cant get mad at myself or I shouldn't be angry,because trust me when your going through some hard things in your life you cant just ignore it. I know I will try my hardest from now on and I have to promise myself and to everyone on here that I will.I just hope I will get some help with paying my tuition cause if I don't,here goes to getting 3 jobs.
What every girl has a problem with,is boys. First of all I would like to say that guy that I thought I liked,I don't really like him,I like him more as a person that I want to hang out with as a friend.I really felt like I needed the feeling of going out with another guy but,but truly I feel like maybe I just need time for myself.Thats something I defiantly need.I officially know that the guy I wanted to read this so badly,is reading this. I don't know if he'll continue to read it from now on seeing how pretty I write about him a lot,but I don't ever do it to hurt him or to make him look like a bad person.His not a bad person,his an amazing person.Ill never deny that,no matter how mad or what I had to see and how much hurt I went through.I forgive him for everything.I seriously always will,because if it wasn't for him,I wouldn't be who I am today.Like I said,he will always be my best friend.If we talk now,or if we decide to talk later,I will seriously continue talking.Its like a friendship you have with your guy friend or girl friend,you get into fights all the time sometimes horrible ones,but in the end if you guys are truly best friends,you will resolve the problems,forgive each other,and move on.Thats how I will always feel with him.No matter what,he is my best friend and I love him no matter what and I will support him and help him no matter what.I don't feel like the reason why Im on here is because of him only.I write it for myself,and of course all of you guys, knowing how this helps to think about situations and its great knowing that ill be able to look back on these forever.Whenever you post anything on the internet,it will forever be on the internet.Im glad this will be on the internet,I would love if maybe in the next few years,I could still go and read back on these.I just hope that things don't get more crazy as I continue to grow up,which I know it will,but Im fine with the technology today seriously.I can use a few more things,but seriously I am happy how it is right now. I feel like I have always loved being on the computer,and its funny how whenever I sit and write with a journal,I have nothing to say,but when Im on the computer,I could write a whole book maybe even a few if I really wanted to.Anyways,I just hope that if he does continue to write this,now what Im about to say is for him and I don't care if anyone sees this and thinks im ridiculous or think why is she doing this.Its cause I don't care,and this is for him to really see,and everything Im about to say,hell understand why im saying it.Im telling him that I talk about you because I don't regret our relationship,and everything we did in our relationship,was an everyday lesson to me.You are now apart of my life forever and always even if we decide to never talk again,no matter what.You have changed me to who I am today,and our relationship helps me with a lot of situations I deal with sometimes after our break up. I love you forever and always,and you know I am always here for you and you mean so much to me,that I want to help you and like I said before Im always here to talk to you. <3
I sometimes I think about the saying "Its happens for a reason,"and sometimes I really don't like the saying.I always wonder why it does happen for a reason.Sometimes I feel like the saying is too brood of a saying.Sometimes I wonder why when it happens for a reason,it usually means for the best,but you still go through hard things or even good things.I just don't get why it has to happen.I wish sometimes we really have the power to control what we do in our life.I know that we obviously do in most situation's but I do feel like a lot of it we have don't have the power to control it.Theirs somethings in our life we have no control.I feel its like we cant control when something physical happens to us,like how I have eczema. I had no control of not having it.I have it and I go through it everyday,but it obviously didn't happen for a reason.I just sometimes wish things don't happen for a reason,and it just happens because it just needs to happen.I feel like that's a quote I would rather hear is Its happens because it happened not because of a reason.Why would somebody feel good if they thought of it the whole time as it happened for a reason. I feel like maybe Ill be starting saying it happened because it happened and not because it happened for a reason.Im going to actually do that today,and maybe you should try to do it also.Think of a situation you go through today,and think of it as it didn't happened for a reason,it happened because it happened and you don't have control over it.If you do decide to do that challenge,the tell me about it.Let me know if you liked thinking like that,or you really feel like you need to go back to thinking about "It happens for a reason." I wonder if who ever decides to do this challenge,will end up thinking im crazy.haha I just want you to try it and see if it effects you in anyway.Im going to do it,and Ill let you know in the next post if it effected me in anyway.
Well the days are getting closer and closer to closing my facebook.Its crazy how I made this decision so fast,and now its really going to happen.By the way if my \friend see's this,I want to know how she was able to send me a friend request on my blogspot facebook profile.I thought I blocked it.haha I guess ill let her slide as one of my only friends on Talia Marcel's Blogspot.Its not like im really on facebook so for everyone who think it's cheating its not! If it is,its okay I make up my own rules,but like I said its not cheating! :) well anyways I have to say this cause Im seriously getting closer to delete it so I need I really need your help! I would first like to thank everybody who has joined my facebook blog group (http://www.facebook.com/groups/220049844705230) its means a lot!! I would like to mention again if you join that page and share it with your friend's on your wall If I get 200 people to join it,Ill be giving away a 25 dollar gift certificate and If I get 300 people to join it,Ill be giving away a 50 dollar gift certificate.Im dead serious about it and Im going to give it to you with my own money (like I said in my old post I DON'T get paid by Blogger.) Im just trying to grow my blog in anyway I can just for the fact that I love when I see people reading it. Im so happy to see that my blog yesterday got 55 hits and it I just wrote it that day! :) Like I said,PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE help me in anyway you can!!! I will be writing my personal messages to everyone on my current facebook,to say my goodbye (tears),just kidding.So if your lucky enough,youll be getting a personal message from me! :)
Okay I need seriously go out and start my day.So I would just like to leave you with an amazing quote I guess you can say I saw at the couple's house that I babysit for.If you saw the picture on my current facebook,then that's what Im about to say,but honestly I think its a true saying.
Until next time. . . . (please share my blog's facebook page) =)
I love you guys with all my heart and be kind to one another! :)
Love Always,
Talia Marcel <3
Taliamarcelblogs@gmail.com
I wish school's understood that sometimes you go through hard things and that it will sometimes effect your schooling. I wish school's understood that we are all human and we have problems sometimes our problems will effect us in school.Well I guess last semester is what caused me to do so bad in school. I didn't do good at all. I was just so sad from things that were going on in my life,I didn't care to do good in school.I had to go through a hard time this whole semester.Not only in my personal life but even in school.I had horrible teachers these semester who were barely in school to help their students out.Two of them didn't even check their e-mails.I even had to switch math teachers and that took a month for me to switch cause I kept filling out the wrong papers,which made get behind in my class.One teacher didn't even care to help me pass the class which made me have to leave the class. The other teacher was a part-time teacher and doctor.She didn't even know what she was teaching and the only way you got grades were your test.I took all my tests and studied for them but she didn't even give me credit for anything which made me not pass the class. I had a horrible GPA this semester,and now I see what I get for getting horrible grades. I feel like maybe I shouldn't even go to school this semester. I feel like maybe I should just be working and maybe if im lucky next semester to get help ill go to school.Im pretty much a freshman in college until I finish with my math class,which I cant even pass.Its basic math and I cant even pass it im so bad at math.I tried so hard to do good this first year,but everything just kept piling up this semester especially dealing with my personal life.It just sucks having to get this feeling and knowing it was all from stuff you did the past.I know now that I am doing better,at least trying to get better,and I know that this semester if Im still going to school I really need to put in my all and try the hardest I can. Like I said on my title,sometimes you hit a pothole and this past semester I hit a pothole.I cant get mad at myself or I shouldn't be angry,because trust me when your going through some hard things in your life you cant just ignore it. I know I will try my hardest from now on and I have to promise myself and to everyone on here that I will.I just hope I will get some help with paying my tuition cause if I don't,here goes to getting 3 jobs.
What every girl has a problem with,is boys. First of all I would like to say that guy that I thought I liked,I don't really like him,I like him more as a person that I want to hang out with as a friend.I really felt like I needed the feeling of going out with another guy but,but truly I feel like maybe I just need time for myself.Thats something I defiantly need.I officially know that the guy I wanted to read this so badly,is reading this. I don't know if he'll continue to read it from now on seeing how pretty I write about him a lot,but I don't ever do it to hurt him or to make him look like a bad person.His not a bad person,his an amazing person.Ill never deny that,no matter how mad or what I had to see and how much hurt I went through.I forgive him for everything.I seriously always will,because if it wasn't for him,I wouldn't be who I am today.Like I said,he will always be my best friend.If we talk now,or if we decide to talk later,I will seriously continue talking.Its like a friendship you have with your guy friend or girl friend,you get into fights all the time sometimes horrible ones,but in the end if you guys are truly best friends,you will resolve the problems,forgive each other,and move on.Thats how I will always feel with him.No matter what,he is my best friend and I love him no matter what and I will support him and help him no matter what.I don't feel like the reason why Im on here is because of him only.I write it for myself,and of course all of you guys, knowing how this helps to think about situations and its great knowing that ill be able to look back on these forever.Whenever you post anything on the internet,it will forever be on the internet.Im glad this will be on the internet,I would love if maybe in the next few years,I could still go and read back on these.I just hope that things don't get more crazy as I continue to grow up,which I know it will,but Im fine with the technology today seriously.I can use a few more things,but seriously I am happy how it is right now. I feel like I have always loved being on the computer,and its funny how whenever I sit and write with a journal,I have nothing to say,but when Im on the computer,I could write a whole book maybe even a few if I really wanted to.Anyways,I just hope that if he does continue to write this,now what Im about to say is for him and I don't care if anyone sees this and thinks im ridiculous or think why is she doing this.Its cause I don't care,and this is for him to really see,and everything Im about to say,hell understand why im saying it.Im telling him that I talk about you because I don't regret our relationship,and everything we did in our relationship,was an everyday lesson to me.You are now apart of my life forever and always even if we decide to never talk again,no matter what.You have changed me to who I am today,and our relationship helps me with a lot of situations I deal with sometimes after our break up. I love you forever and always,and you know I am always here for you and you mean so much to me,that I want to help you and like I said before Im always here to talk to you. <3
I sometimes I think about the saying "Its happens for a reason,"and sometimes I really don't like the saying.I always wonder why it does happen for a reason.Sometimes I feel like the saying is too brood of a saying.Sometimes I wonder why when it happens for a reason,it usually means for the best,but you still go through hard things or even good things.I just don't get why it has to happen.I wish sometimes we really have the power to control what we do in our life.I know that we obviously do in most situation's but I do feel like a lot of it we have don't have the power to control it.Theirs somethings in our life we have no control.I feel its like we cant control when something physical happens to us,like how I have eczema. I had no control of not having it.I have it and I go through it everyday,but it obviously didn't happen for a reason.I just sometimes wish things don't happen for a reason,and it just happens because it just needs to happen.I feel like that's a quote I would rather hear is Its happens because it happened not because of a reason.Why would somebody feel good if they thought of it the whole time as it happened for a reason. I feel like maybe Ill be starting saying it happened because it happened and not because it happened for a reason.Im going to actually do that today,and maybe you should try to do it also.Think of a situation you go through today,and think of it as it didn't happened for a reason,it happened because it happened and you don't have control over it.If you do decide to do that challenge,the tell me about it.Let me know if you liked thinking like that,or you really feel like you need to go back to thinking about "It happens for a reason." I wonder if who ever decides to do this challenge,will end up thinking im crazy.haha I just want you to try it and see if it effects you in anyway.Im going to do it,and Ill let you know in the next post if it effected me in anyway.
Well the days are getting closer and closer to closing my facebook.Its crazy how I made this decision so fast,and now its really going to happen.By the way if my \friend see's this,I want to know how she was able to send me a friend request on my blogspot facebook profile.I thought I blocked it.haha I guess ill let her slide as one of my only friends on Talia Marcel's Blogspot.Its not like im really on facebook so for everyone who think it's cheating its not! If it is,its okay I make up my own rules,but like I said its not cheating! :) well anyways I have to say this cause Im seriously getting closer to delete it so I need I really need your help! I would first like to thank everybody who has joined my facebook blog group (http://www.facebook.com/groups/220049844705230) its means a lot!! I would like to mention again if you join that page and share it with your friend's on your wall If I get 200 people to join it,Ill be giving away a 25 dollar gift certificate and If I get 300 people to join it,Ill be giving away a 50 dollar gift certificate.Im dead serious about it and Im going to give it to you with my own money (like I said in my old post I DON'T get paid by Blogger.) Im just trying to grow my blog in anyway I can just for the fact that I love when I see people reading it. Im so happy to see that my blog yesterday got 55 hits and it I just wrote it that day! :) Like I said,PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE help me in anyway you can!!! I will be writing my personal messages to everyone on my current facebook,to say my goodbye (tears),just kidding.So if your lucky enough,youll be getting a personal message from me! :)
Okay I need seriously go out and start my day.So I would just like to leave you with an amazing quote I guess you can say I saw at the couple's house that I babysit for.If you saw the picture on my current facebook,then that's what Im about to say,but honestly I think its a true saying.
Laugh when you can,Apologize when you should and Let go of what you can't change. Kiss Slowly,Forgive Quickly,Play Hard,Take Chances,Give everything,and have no regrets.Life is too short to be anything but Happy! :)
Until next time. . . . (please share my blog's facebook page) =)
I love you guys with all my heart and be kind to one another! :)
Love Always,
Talia Marcel <3
Taliamarcelblogs@gmail.com
Monday, July 25, 2011
The First Blog I can finally say Im happy! :)
I want to thank everybody who has joined my facebook blog group (http://www.facebook.com/groups/220049844705230) its means a lot!! I just know that most of my traffic on this blog is from facebook and I would hate to delete it without people knowing I posted a new blog! Like I said I am still deleting my personal one because I just need to get away from it.I cant see people's profiles on the blog and I don't let people add me so there is no way I can really have a personal account on that Facebook,so I still count as me taking a break and am only going on facebook for my blog's and another page Im building. I would also like to note that if you join that page and share it with your friend's on your wall If I get 200 people to join it,Ill be giving away a 25 dollar gift certificate and If I get 300 people to join it,Ill be giving away a 50 dollar gift certificate.Im dead serious about it and Im going to give it to you with my own money (I don't get paid by Blogger.) Im just trying to grow my blog in anyway I can just for the fact that I love when I see people reading it. Everyday I seriously look at the Status section to see how many people have visited for the fact of knowing I really do have true fans.
Anyways continuing on with the main point of this,I feel like its been forever since I really wrote on here. I know I have posted a few blogs last few days,but I really haven't had time lately to sit and write one.Im so sorry for that. Well lately I guess you can say I have had eh moments and I have had good moments. Well I guess on Friday that blog was really the truth about what I never wanted to see.It really hurt having to deal with seeing that place,when I hope I don't have to go into that place for the reason why I had to go ever again. I know its really hard for some of you to get when I say things like that and I don't actually explain it.Well trust me,I cant really be open about it for the sake of me and for the sake of not having to deal with any pain or hurt to me or against me.I said before if you would really like to know,you are allowed to e-mail me and ask me or call/text me,or ask on facebook.If you really would like to know,Ill give you a truthful answer.Im not quite ready to be open about it yet,but I hope one day I will be able to. Its something I hear about everyday in news or just in person,and something I really don't like hearing about it.I will be open about it cause hey if someone ever has to go through something like that,I would like you to know that someone is here for you to help you support or advice.
Well about my weekend,well I guess I just babysat pretty much on Saturday which If it works out by the end of this week I might be having 3 jobs. Its crazy,but I kind of like it and Im kinda of excited if I do cause I would enjoy all 3 of the jobs and I would love to have all that money! :) but that's all Im gonna say about that haha. I guess lately just has been sucking with men problems. I guess its just getting more confusing now then it is hard.Its getting easier to talk to guys now but always in the back of my mind Im think about him. I don't know why I always think about him,but Im always thinking about him. I guess I can say I like another guy.Finally!! :) He doesn't want to be serious and is afraid Im looking at being in a relationship,but I was thinking about it I don't either.I really shouldn't be running into another a relationship when I should just be thinking about work and school for now. I feel like in a way I have been doing good without going cry this weekend.To be completely honest,I think this is finally my first weekend I haven't cried about anything. Yay I AM SO PROUD OF MYSELF!!!!! :) :) :) I seriously am I cant believe this weekend actually came now to be honest. Wow haha im sorry but I just realized how happy that makes me feel. Its a good feeling to know that I had a weekend finally this summer where I didn't cry or feel like I was getting hurt. I guess the question is do I go to counseling still with my him? I was thinking about going just so we can figure somethings out and maybe get to the point where for now we either have our distance or we just become friends. I guess if you can help me out with that question e-mail me with the address on the side and just help me out! If you want to know the question the question is: Should I take him to counseling with me or not?? Just reply with your answer on here,facebook,or Taliamarcelblogs@gmail.com Wow I am so happy I don't know how much more I can explain it. This has been a great feeling I just got and Im glad Im finally free for once without a weekend of me sitting and crying and thinking about him all day! Well on that note I have a funny story to tell you.Today at a restaurant I went with my parents,they messed up our order.The server (not ours) gave our meal to a different table and the people didn't even notice it wasn't there's. So me and my parents didn't really notice because we were talking about different subjects. Well the server came and told us that the manager was going to come by and talk to us.Well the manager came by and told us they messed up our order and was explaining it to us and told us that we will get all of our meals but of course drinks for free. Well afterwords the serve told us that the reason why they probably messed up was because they were looking at me the whole time and just couldn't keep theirs eyes of me.Hahaha sorry I thought that was funny.
Well anyways right now I have a sunburned back which is mixed in with an allergic reaction,trust me it hurts. Well I am so finally proud that I can post a blog where I am happy and you can hear it in my voice I am happy! :) This day has been an amazing day and I cant thank anyone more then the people that helped me have this amazing day! Well I need to go to sleep,so I hope everyone had a good weekend and like I said Please help me share my facebook group for this blog to everyone!!! Until next time. . . .
I love you guys with all my heart and be kind to one another! :)
Love Always,
Talia Marcel <3
Anyways continuing on with the main point of this,I feel like its been forever since I really wrote on here. I know I have posted a few blogs last few days,but I really haven't had time lately to sit and write one.Im so sorry for that. Well lately I guess you can say I have had eh moments and I have had good moments. Well I guess on Friday that blog was really the truth about what I never wanted to see.It really hurt having to deal with seeing that place,when I hope I don't have to go into that place for the reason why I had to go ever again. I know its really hard for some of you to get when I say things like that and I don't actually explain it.Well trust me,I cant really be open about it for the sake of me and for the sake of not having to deal with any pain or hurt to me or against me.I said before if you would really like to know,you are allowed to e-mail me and ask me or call/text me,or ask on facebook.If you really would like to know,Ill give you a truthful answer.Im not quite ready to be open about it yet,but I hope one day I will be able to. Its something I hear about everyday in news or just in person,and something I really don't like hearing about it.I will be open about it cause hey if someone ever has to go through something like that,I would like you to know that someone is here for you to help you support or advice.
Well about my weekend,well I guess I just babysat pretty much on Saturday which If it works out by the end of this week I might be having 3 jobs. Its crazy,but I kind of like it and Im kinda of excited if I do cause I would enjoy all 3 of the jobs and I would love to have all that money! :) but that's all Im gonna say about that haha. I guess lately just has been sucking with men problems. I guess its just getting more confusing now then it is hard.Its getting easier to talk to guys now but always in the back of my mind Im think about him. I don't know why I always think about him,but Im always thinking about him. I guess I can say I like another guy.Finally!! :) He doesn't want to be serious and is afraid Im looking at being in a relationship,but I was thinking about it I don't either.I really shouldn't be running into another a relationship when I should just be thinking about work and school for now. I feel like in a way I have been doing good without going cry this weekend.To be completely honest,I think this is finally my first weekend I haven't cried about anything. Yay I AM SO PROUD OF MYSELF!!!!! :) :) :) I seriously am I cant believe this weekend actually came now to be honest. Wow haha im sorry but I just realized how happy that makes me feel. Its a good feeling to know that I had a weekend finally this summer where I didn't cry or feel like I was getting hurt. I guess the question is do I go to counseling still with my him? I was thinking about going just so we can figure somethings out and maybe get to the point where for now we either have our distance or we just become friends. I guess if you can help me out with that question e-mail me with the address on the side and just help me out! If you want to know the question the question is: Should I take him to counseling with me or not?? Just reply with your answer on here,facebook,or Taliamarcelblogs@gmail.com Wow I am so happy I don't know how much more I can explain it. This has been a great feeling I just got and Im glad Im finally free for once without a weekend of me sitting and crying and thinking about him all day! Well on that note I have a funny story to tell you.Today at a restaurant I went with my parents,they messed up our order.The server (not ours) gave our meal to a different table and the people didn't even notice it wasn't there's. So me and my parents didn't really notice because we were talking about different subjects. Well the server came and told us that the manager was going to come by and talk to us.Well the manager came by and told us they messed up our order and was explaining it to us and told us that we will get all of our meals but of course drinks for free. Well afterwords the serve told us that the reason why they probably messed up was because they were looking at me the whole time and just couldn't keep theirs eyes of me.Hahaha sorry I thought that was funny.
Well anyways right now I have a sunburned back which is mixed in with an allergic reaction,trust me it hurts. Well I am so finally proud that I can post a blog where I am happy and you can hear it in my voice I am happy! :) This day has been an amazing day and I cant thank anyone more then the people that helped me have this amazing day! Well I need to go to sleep,so I hope everyone had a good weekend and like I said Please help me share my facebook group for this blog to everyone!!! Until next time. . . .
I love you guys with all my heart and be kind to one another! :)
Love Always,
Talia Marcel <3
Saturday, July 23, 2011
I never want to see it again.
I hate the feeling when your in such in a great mood and when all of a sudden in an instant second you see something you never thought you would see again. Thats what happened to me yesterday. Theres nothing more that I could say but I hate that place no matter what good outcome came out of it.I wonder why God wanted me to come back to place yesterday at of all days.I don't know why he wanted me to see it the day after I was talking about how much I hate go through it and make the decision on telling people what happened. Theres nothing more I could feel but sick to my stomach. That place was the place I never through I would see again and would never have to be near. It hurts me to even talk about this and knowing that sometimes it really gets to me. Im glad in a way that I saw where the place is actually located at so I know that I will never go to that area ever again.The fact that I saw the people who truly make me sick is what hurts the most. I hate those people who think its okay to wave a sign around to other people and think that you have no feelings. No matter what even if you made a horrible decision then it was someones choice for the sake of them having a good life and for saving someone else's life through not go through hell. I was so sick to my stomach when I laid my eyes on them. I obviously didn't feel good at all day. I never want to see that place ever again! I will do anything to never have to see that place again and so I don't have see the hurt and and pain I went through that day physically and mentally and emotionally. Im happy I had the people who I cared about most there with me,but Ill never be able to forgive those people that think its okay for being bashed for something they did to save their own life.If there is one type of people I hate,its the people who think its okay to judge people for their own decisions and for what they believe.Nobody should ever hurt someone the way I have been hurt not only by them but some of my old friends who tell me how I was wrong for what I did. I made a decision based on the situation knowing that I wasn't able to go through something so hard and difficult that I know I never wanted to see bad for myself or for the person I had to go through it with. I wanted us to make a decision that showed that we were being true adults and were making the choice knowing we wouldn't be able to go through this and knowing that we needed to move on.I don't know the other person's emotions about this because of course some people are scared to show it,but I truly know that I will everyday be effected by this decision in a good and bad way.Im proud of myself no matter how much I could deny it to you that I choose to make this decision. I everyday think about what it would have been like if I didn't make this decision,and its a bittersweet feeling. I just know that I will never forget what those people yelled at to me.I will never forget that and I never have.
Ill write another post another time today or maybe tomorrow I just had to say this and it sucked being near there. I will forever love the people who helped me go through it no matter what.You mean the world to me for being there for me from then until now.
From,
Talia Marcel <3
FYI: I have made a facebook group for this and if you join it you'll see that Im only going on Facebook for this. Join it! Its http://www.facebook.com/note.php?saved&¬e_id=10150313337732783#!/groups/220049844705230
Ill write another post another time today or maybe tomorrow I just had to say this and it sucked being near there. I will forever love the people who helped me go through it no matter what.You mean the world to me for being there for me from then until now.
From,
Talia Marcel <3
FYI: I have made a facebook group for this and if you join it you'll see that Im only going on Facebook for this. Join it! Its http://www.facebook.com/note.php?saved&¬e_id=10150313337732783#!/groups/220049844705230
Friday, July 22, 2011
When Goodbye is Never Goodbye.
Thank you for everyone who has made a progress to continue reading this,it means a lot to me and It just shows me that there is truly some people who truly care to hear other people.
Well I guess today there was a positive feeling and a not positive feeling but truly I have nothing more that I can truly say but that I wish it was never like this. I feel like today somethings got way out of control because of my allergic reaction I had to do deal with. It still hasn't healed but,but Its getting better just sucks that I felt that I was going through another act that happened to me last year when I had an allergic reaction. Its kinda of weird how the same time last year I went through the same thing and had the same reactions by having acts,maybe that's just how my body works. Well I feel like things havent been going the way ive wanted it to be going lately.I feel like I just been getting worse and worse and have just decided things I shouldn't be deciding.
I guess its really time for me to open up. I have come to realize I have lost my best friend.Nothing will ever change the fact that things will never be the same. I have never realized more then I have today that the fact why I was having such a hard time wasn't that I felt I couldn't love again or find someone new in my life,it was that my best friend was the love of my life.I know that whatever me and my best friend had was real.It was always real.I just couldn't seem to get the fact that it was over.I called them today telling them how I felt and how I really hated the way things turned out to be.I miss them and I will always love them.Nobody can ever or will ever tell me to not do that,because like ive always said nobody understands.I hate the fact that I will never be able to have my best friend with my during my process of going through what ive been going through these past few months.I wish this girl would understand that I am not okay without them and that I feel like I wont be okay until I get my best friend.We will never go back to the way we were nor will we ever be together again. Thats what it comes down to. Every cent every dollar will never help change anything nor will it ever help you get your love back. Materialistic things will never let somebody fall in love with you again.Sex wont help you guys fall in love again no matter if they were your first or your tenth.The only way that will help you find that love again is when you let time pass by.Its best for time to heal the relationship.I guess this is advice for everybody who has truly loved someone and in the end never have gotten what you want.Let me tell you that if you guys were meant to be,either you or them will talk.If you weren't meant to be maybe it was for the best for the both of you.I just promise you that if you guys really loved each other then maybe im ridiculous but maybe time is the best thing.Go out with other people or go out with friends just get out.When you are out busy,it will all help you keep your mind off them and when time starts passing by and if they decide to talk to you again,then you will know it was true love.If they decide not to talk to you,then you'll feel good knowing you let time pass by and that you have finally come to terms with yourself that you have moved on.If you really feel like you have tried your hardest to help your relationship to work out,go to counseling. I'm serious as ever.Sometimes its hard for certain people to open up for a counselor but seriously It will help.I guess in a way maybe thats why I'm glad ive been going to a counselor to help in a way.They have helped think about things that I haven't been open about to tell other people.They have helped me realize that what im going through is normal and that its okay that's taking this long for me to go through this.It will take me a lot of time to get over it,but the fact is I love him.I truly love him no matter what.I feel like maybe its the best for us to do what we need to do for the sake of me getting better and if we decide to part or decide to continue talking im glad i tried to put my all to make this work.I feel like thats my last step to try for us to at least talk again.I just really hope the goodbye we have tryed so hard to say to each other,is never an actual goodbye.
I guess something I feel like I really need to be open up about is one thing.I really don't want to be to open about it on here,but to be honest I will be open to talk about if you want to find out.I guess another reason why I feel like I feel the way I do is because what I had to go through,I never had the time to grieve.I never had the time to really think about the way I have every day since we broke up.We will always care for each other and we will always know that our relationship was based on this.I felt like its been hard for me cause I wasn't able to move on with hurt and pain I had to go through in this situation. I miss them (not him) so much.I had a bond with this person with all my heart and its hard for me to letting go. I felt like nobody understood that when you have beliefs and turn against it that it hurts more for you to go through something twice as hard.I really got hurt from this and I turned to things I should have never turned to knowing that it wasnt going to help me take that pain away.It wouldnt help me stop the grief and the sadness I had to go through. I guess what I know I need to do is get the help I need to help myself help the pain from what happened. I miss them (once again not him) more then anything but I know that I will love them forever and always and sometimes when I look at who they were,I look at them knowing that they were inspiration to continue good in my life. 06/23/2010 <3 Love you forever and always!
I have no doubt that im not going to be okay.Ill be okay and even better but I just feel like in a way Im glad im doing this.It helps me and helps me realize that things will get better and I love that I can maybe help somebody whos going through hurt.I am always open to talk to anyone.Nobody is a stranger to me no matter what. I have told you I made an e-mail for this blog. Its Taliamarcelblogs@gmail.com. I will help anyone I can and just know that you are never alone.Sometimes its hard for me to believe that I am not alone.I really have really learned today that I am not alone.I have certain people I can talk to and not talk to.If the people I feel most comfortable about talking to understands me or is at least willing to listen.Im not alone.There my true friends the people I need to stick around with. YOU are not alone no matter what and I know I cant really help with my own probelms but knowing who I am Im willing to help anyone go through any diffcult sistution. You are never alone,if you feel you are,you have me.
I love everybody with all my heart and I thank everybody for any way you have effected my life.No matter what Im not alone,Im here with you.Were here together in this and no mater we are all together in helping each other out.This world has a purpose.It was built for people to learn from mistakes and just enjoy life the best way you can.
Be kind to one another.
Love Always,
Talia Marcel <3
Well I guess today there was a positive feeling and a not positive feeling but truly I have nothing more that I can truly say but that I wish it was never like this. I feel like today somethings got way out of control because of my allergic reaction I had to do deal with. It still hasn't healed but,but Its getting better just sucks that I felt that I was going through another act that happened to me last year when I had an allergic reaction. Its kinda of weird how the same time last year I went through the same thing and had the same reactions by having acts,maybe that's just how my body works. Well I feel like things havent been going the way ive wanted it to be going lately.I feel like I just been getting worse and worse and have just decided things I shouldn't be deciding.
I guess its really time for me to open up. I have come to realize I have lost my best friend.Nothing will ever change the fact that things will never be the same. I have never realized more then I have today that the fact why I was having such a hard time wasn't that I felt I couldn't love again or find someone new in my life,it was that my best friend was the love of my life.I know that whatever me and my best friend had was real.It was always real.I just couldn't seem to get the fact that it was over.I called them today telling them how I felt and how I really hated the way things turned out to be.I miss them and I will always love them.Nobody can ever or will ever tell me to not do that,because like ive always said nobody understands.I hate the fact that I will never be able to have my best friend with my during my process of going through what ive been going through these past few months.I wish this girl would understand that I am not okay without them and that I feel like I wont be okay until I get my best friend.We will never go back to the way we were nor will we ever be together again. Thats what it comes down to. Every cent every dollar will never help change anything nor will it ever help you get your love back. Materialistic things will never let somebody fall in love with you again.Sex wont help you guys fall in love again no matter if they were your first or your tenth.The only way that will help you find that love again is when you let time pass by.Its best for time to heal the relationship.I guess this is advice for everybody who has truly loved someone and in the end never have gotten what you want.Let me tell you that if you guys were meant to be,either you or them will talk.If you weren't meant to be maybe it was for the best for the both of you.I just promise you that if you guys really loved each other then maybe im ridiculous but maybe time is the best thing.Go out with other people or go out with friends just get out.When you are out busy,it will all help you keep your mind off them and when time starts passing by and if they decide to talk to you again,then you will know it was true love.If they decide not to talk to you,then you'll feel good knowing you let time pass by and that you have finally come to terms with yourself that you have moved on.If you really feel like you have tried your hardest to help your relationship to work out,go to counseling. I'm serious as ever.Sometimes its hard for certain people to open up for a counselor but seriously It will help.I guess in a way maybe thats why I'm glad ive been going to a counselor to help in a way.They have helped think about things that I haven't been open about to tell other people.They have helped me realize that what im going through is normal and that its okay that's taking this long for me to go through this.It will take me a lot of time to get over it,but the fact is I love him.I truly love him no matter what.I feel like maybe its the best for us to do what we need to do for the sake of me getting better and if we decide to part or decide to continue talking im glad i tried to put my all to make this work.I feel like thats my last step to try for us to at least talk again.I just really hope the goodbye we have tryed so hard to say to each other,is never an actual goodbye.
I guess something I feel like I really need to be open up about is one thing.I really don't want to be to open about it on here,but to be honest I will be open to talk about if you want to find out.I guess another reason why I feel like I feel the way I do is because what I had to go through,I never had the time to grieve.I never had the time to really think about the way I have every day since we broke up.We will always care for each other and we will always know that our relationship was based on this.I felt like its been hard for me cause I wasn't able to move on with hurt and pain I had to go through in this situation. I miss them (not him) so much.I had a bond with this person with all my heart and its hard for me to letting go. I felt like nobody understood that when you have beliefs and turn against it that it hurts more for you to go through something twice as hard.I really got hurt from this and I turned to things I should have never turned to knowing that it wasnt going to help me take that pain away.It wouldnt help me stop the grief and the sadness I had to go through. I guess what I know I need to do is get the help I need to help myself help the pain from what happened. I miss them (once again not him) more then anything but I know that I will love them forever and always and sometimes when I look at who they were,I look at them knowing that they were inspiration to continue good in my life. 06/23/2010 <3 Love you forever and always!
I have no doubt that im not going to be okay.Ill be okay and even better but I just feel like in a way Im glad im doing this.It helps me and helps me realize that things will get better and I love that I can maybe help somebody whos going through hurt.I am always open to talk to anyone.Nobody is a stranger to me no matter what. I have told you I made an e-mail for this blog. Its Taliamarcelblogs@gmail.com. I will help anyone I can and just know that you are never alone.Sometimes its hard for me to believe that I am not alone.I really have really learned today that I am not alone.I have certain people I can talk to and not talk to.If the people I feel most comfortable about talking to understands me or is at least willing to listen.Im not alone.There my true friends the people I need to stick around with. YOU are not alone no matter what and I know I cant really help with my own probelms but knowing who I am Im willing to help anyone go through any diffcult sistution. You are never alone,if you feel you are,you have me.
I love everybody with all my heart and I thank everybody for any way you have effected my life.No matter what Im not alone,Im here with you.Were here together in this and no mater we are all together in helping each other out.This world has a purpose.It was built for people to learn from mistakes and just enjoy life the best way you can.
Be kind to one another.
Love Always,
Talia Marcel <3
Thursday, July 21, 2011
The Past is Never Pasted.
I would like to thank everybody who reads this and supports me.I hope and pray that Ill keep getting more support when I close my Facebook. It would be great if some of you guys followed me because I'm really doing this for one reason only and that's for you to hear someone else's life and someones experience and seeing how hard life can be and sometimes how amazing it can be and If people aren't reading this,then I guess I have no point of writing,So please let me know if you are reading this and if you plan on continue to read this.I know sometimes my blog are very down,but this is how I feel and whats been going in my life.I hope no matter what I still have the fans.
I guess today wasn't a good day. It started out becoming a good day knowing that I finally will be working on a job I have been looking forever for. I'm excited Ill be able to have a decent job that will pay my paychecks and hey its a great thing to see you work for the government on a resume. I think after that It pretty much went down hill from there. I tried really hard all day to be positive but sometimes it so hard. I heard on the radio today these guys writing love letters that they wrote to somebody from their past or whenever. I was thinking while I was on my way home,how much I wished I could write a love letter again.I have wrote too many to express how much I loved him,but it doesn't matter cause in the end,it never touched him or it never made him realize anything. I wonder if I did what I would want to write. Now my emotions for them has changed seeing how hurt I got. I just wish things didn't have to end up to how they are now. I asked this girl on of the radio stations to post my question. I told her to say that we were in a long relationship and that after everything Ive done for him,he still goes back to the other girl. The question was what can I do can help me to move on? All I saw in the answers were hurtful answers.Nobody understands that no matter how old I was or am or no matter how old he was,we went through something that nobody should go through at any age. The lady told me I wasn't allowed to respond to any of the comments,when I was just ready to yell at all of them for making fun of me,for telling me I was stupid for what I did. I just wish I could yell it to the whole world what happened.I feel like a reason why I always feel so down about what happened is because I have to hide it from a lot of people. I feel like if maybe I was more open about it,I wouldn't have all this pressure.
I guess you can say that the reason why I called this The Past is Never Pasted is because I believe its a true statement. I feel like my past has never pasted.I have long term memory and I can remember anything even from when I was 3 years old.I remember almost every scene of my life I have had in the past.I'm not saying I never forget them,but I remember the most important parts.Obviously my past,I cant and wont forget.Sometimes I wish I could go back to the past and change a lot of things which I bet you do to.I remember the other day I heard someone talking about how its harder to go back to the past then it is to go to the future.Sometimes I feel like I can just go to the future already,but the hard part is I don't know where I want to go in my future.I guess where I want to really go is where im passed with all of this no mater if we continue or if we end I just want it to be the future already. You probably are thinking that I want to just write this to sit here and really tell you that my life sucks,when truly I don't feel like my life sucks. I just feel like what I have go through right sucks. I know I'm not over this man and to be honest I don't know if ill ever be able to get over them. I'm not over the fact that I pretty much fell in love with a man that I truly didn't care to think about the small things and build a big future together. I don't think ill never find another man,the thing is I just would love to stay with him.The fact that I wont be able to do this is why I would love to go to past and change everything. I wish in a way I could have really introduce him to my parents no matter what would happen between. I wish I was open more about showing him around. I felt like the only reason why I could was because I felt like I would be judged. I hate how people judge people so quickly,I know I do it too,but I try my best not to because I know how much it hurts.
Im kinda of scared to continue on with this blog.I feel like people don't really feel connected to me or I feel like I'm not really helping anyone out just by reading my blog.I'm scared for when I delete my Facebok Ill be lonely.Im scared that I will be sitting and wish I could go on Facebook so I can feel loved by posting a status. Called me crazy but sometimes I feel like whenever I post a status and somebody like's it,I feel like somebody cares to hear me.I feel like my blog is kind of boring to some people and maybe that's why I feel like I don't know if I should continue this.Ive been trying to get the word out that I'm doing this so I don't have to be on Facebook anymore.I truly don't want to be on Facebook. I mentioned in my last post the reason why I don't but I truly feel like it'll in a way help me move on and maybe help me to happier again,but Im scared when I delete it,that im really just going to have my phone and maybe if im lucky a few people reading this.I don't really know what I should I do,I guess for anyone who is reading this I would love some feedback on what I should and If you have an opinion if I continue to do this what I should do so people will be more interested into reading it. I have made an email specifically for this blog that you can reach me at. Its Taliamarcelblogs@gmail.com
Maybe Im acting like this because I feel very down on myself for whats been going on and how I really haven't been putting in as much effort as I could have.I hope tomorrow ill be able to bring you more excited news or maybe an insportional writting or even maybe a poem. No matter what I love you guys so much.
Have an amazing Thursday!
Love Always,
Talia Marcel <3
I guess today wasn't a good day. It started out becoming a good day knowing that I finally will be working on a job I have been looking forever for. I'm excited Ill be able to have a decent job that will pay my paychecks and hey its a great thing to see you work for the government on a resume. I think after that It pretty much went down hill from there. I tried really hard all day to be positive but sometimes it so hard. I heard on the radio today these guys writing love letters that they wrote to somebody from their past or whenever. I was thinking while I was on my way home,how much I wished I could write a love letter again.I have wrote too many to express how much I loved him,but it doesn't matter cause in the end,it never touched him or it never made him realize anything. I wonder if I did what I would want to write. Now my emotions for them has changed seeing how hurt I got. I just wish things didn't have to end up to how they are now. I asked this girl on of the radio stations to post my question. I told her to say that we were in a long relationship and that after everything Ive done for him,he still goes back to the other girl. The question was what can I do can help me to move on? All I saw in the answers were hurtful answers.Nobody understands that no matter how old I was or am or no matter how old he was,we went through something that nobody should go through at any age. The lady told me I wasn't allowed to respond to any of the comments,when I was just ready to yell at all of them for making fun of me,for telling me I was stupid for what I did. I just wish I could yell it to the whole world what happened.I feel like a reason why I always feel so down about what happened is because I have to hide it from a lot of people. I feel like if maybe I was more open about it,I wouldn't have all this pressure.
I guess you can say that the reason why I called this The Past is Never Pasted is because I believe its a true statement. I feel like my past has never pasted.I have long term memory and I can remember anything even from when I was 3 years old.I remember almost every scene of my life I have had in the past.I'm not saying I never forget them,but I remember the most important parts.Obviously my past,I cant and wont forget.Sometimes I wish I could go back to the past and change a lot of things which I bet you do to.I remember the other day I heard someone talking about how its harder to go back to the past then it is to go to the future.Sometimes I feel like I can just go to the future already,but the hard part is I don't know where I want to go in my future.I guess where I want to really go is where im passed with all of this no mater if we continue or if we end I just want it to be the future already. You probably are thinking that I want to just write this to sit here and really tell you that my life sucks,when truly I don't feel like my life sucks. I just feel like what I have go through right sucks. I know I'm not over this man and to be honest I don't know if ill ever be able to get over them. I'm not over the fact that I pretty much fell in love with a man that I truly didn't care to think about the small things and build a big future together. I don't think ill never find another man,the thing is I just would love to stay with him.The fact that I wont be able to do this is why I would love to go to past and change everything. I wish in a way I could have really introduce him to my parents no matter what would happen between. I wish I was open more about showing him around. I felt like the only reason why I could was because I felt like I would be judged. I hate how people judge people so quickly,I know I do it too,but I try my best not to because I know how much it hurts.
Im kinda of scared to continue on with this blog.I feel like people don't really feel connected to me or I feel like I'm not really helping anyone out just by reading my blog.I'm scared for when I delete my Facebok Ill be lonely.Im scared that I will be sitting and wish I could go on Facebook so I can feel loved by posting a status. Called me crazy but sometimes I feel like whenever I post a status and somebody like's it,I feel like somebody cares to hear me.I feel like my blog is kind of boring to some people and maybe that's why I feel like I don't know if I should continue this.Ive been trying to get the word out that I'm doing this so I don't have to be on Facebook anymore.I truly don't want to be on Facebook. I mentioned in my last post the reason why I don't but I truly feel like it'll in a way help me move on and maybe help me to happier again,but Im scared when I delete it,that im really just going to have my phone and maybe if im lucky a few people reading this.I don't really know what I should I do,I guess for anyone who is reading this I would love some feedback on what I should and If you have an opinion if I continue to do this what I should do so people will be more interested into reading it. I have made an email specifically for this blog that you can reach me at. Its Taliamarcelblogs@gmail.com
Maybe Im acting like this because I feel very down on myself for whats been going on and how I really haven't been putting in as much effort as I could have.I hope tomorrow ill be able to bring you more excited news or maybe an insportional writting or even maybe a poem. No matter what I love you guys so much.
Have an amazing Thursday!
Love Always,
Talia Marcel <3
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
One Step At a Time.
Well I would like to thank you everybody for reading these posts! I feel like all 124 people that have seen my blogs help me want to write everyday! I know im not the best writer or I haven't had a lot of people read my writing but Its a start and its better then nothing and as long as one person reads it I'm happy! :) Ill keep doing this for a while and I hope eventually it will become something inspiring.Its because of this I choose to take a journalism next semester and I'm very excited!
Well I guess lately my mood has been up and down.I will tell you Love sucks and it hurts but sometimes can be the most amazing feeling. Well in my case it sucks. I really just was trying to move on and look for another guy but whenever I just talk to other guys or I even go out with another guy,all I think about is that one person.I know really its going to be an everyday struggle but really its going to have to be one step at a time. The other day out of the random one my ex boyfriends asked me If I was scared of love. I had no idea what to answer to that. I don't think I am ever scared of love. I think love is an amazing thing as I said before. It truly can make you feel like your on cloud nine,but it can also bring out the worst feelings you never want to go through. To be honest,The thing im scared about is falling in love again. Its the truth. I don't think Ill never be able to find another man or find someone new. I just feel like sometimes its scary. Falling in love is something that one thing that can be amazing and can be horrible.I feel like the reason why im scared is because I don't want to go through this again. I'm not a very religious person,I feel like I'm more of a spiritual person. I do believe however that God will bring someone to me and that I guess I feel I would hate to go through it,but really I feel like I don't have a lot of control over it. Lately I have been doing good about not crying about and realizing that there's bigger and better things that is going to happen in the future.The job im about to start couldn't have come at a better time. I really need something to distract me and this job is going to be a crazy job in the beginning. I also really needed the money and hey I just figured for opening an account I get 125 bucks! haha that money will help me in the long run.I wish sometimes money wasn't that big of a deal,but unfortunately it is.Its sometimes sad how you look at money,and how happy it makes you. Well I would love to have money,but I defiantly don't feel like it is has ever made me happy and it has for sure never proved anything to anyone whenever I do give money. Well I guess you can say I have up and down mood because I just feel like it sucks to get over something you had for such a long time.It hurts more to know that your life will forever be changed because of what has happened. The hardest thing about it sometimes no one will truly ever understand how hard it was.Nobody will get that its not something that I will forget in months or even years. I will never be able to forget it and I never want to forget it.I guess another hard part is that I cant share it. I feel like one day when I am able to share it I would love to be an advocate of helping others go through tough things like that. I wish sometimes I was able to tell the people I truly need to tell the truth. The thing is. . .I wont be able to do for a while,sometimes I'm glad I don't have to.
I guess the next thing I should talk about is why I'm planning on deleting my facebook.I have made the decision of deleting my facebook and decided I was going to be done with by the end of the month (July 31st). Well I have had Facebook for a while and trust me I have loved and hated it at the same time. I loved Facebook because if it weren't for them I wouldn't be able to talk to my family that lives on the other side of the world. I wouldn't be able to make the friends have made through it or even re-connected with old friends.The reason I guess why I need to delete is the fact that I only go there for one reason only.I could sit here and makes excuses about why I hate it and why I decided to do this for that specific one reason,but the truth is I really feel like Facebook has changed over the past few months. I feel like it has obviously not helped with school. I feel like I sometimes cared so much about being on facebook that I could care less about doing my homework and doing my school work. Well I'm not in high school anymore. I'm in the real world of college and in college you are responsible for everything you do in school and you have no one that babies you around. Well during my first year to be honest,I felt like I didn't take school as seriously as I should have. To be honest,I feel like this year is going to be my freshman year of college. I cared more about what was on Facebook or who liked my status then the real thing that mattered and that was school. In the second semester,I guess I can say I had a little reason on why I had a bad semester,but it wasn't an excuse to bad in school. I just feel like Facebook isn't something I need right now seeing how I really need to focus on school and my job. I feel like those are my main priority's. I feel like Facebook has been going down hill and a matter fact I feel like it has helped me go down hill too. I really don't want to talk about the specifics. I just feel like lately all I have been showing is me being a very negative person and I feel like that's just not something I need to post about to the whole world. I'm not a negative person. I know people look at me like I am with the status's I post but I'm really not. I just felt like in a way I was alone.I will admit it I was depressed. I seriously got depressed over him. I felt like I was alone in my whole situation and nobody could help unless I posted a status. I'm not saying I was trying to get attention. I was just trying to have the feeling that somebody cares about me.Somebody is hearing me.Somebody is saying "Talia I'm here for you lets talk," or "Talia I want to help you." That's what I was trying the last few months whenever I wrote a negative status. I just wanted to see that I mattered. Last week,I saw that I mattered to the people who care about me the most. I just feel like maybe time away from Facebook will help regain myself and just help me become the Talia I was. I'm not saying I want to be the old Talia.I just want to be the refreshed grown up Talia. Another reason which I'm not going to go into details is about is simply I was hoping he would see what I have posted.Thats all I can say about that.In the next couple day's Ill be writing messages to people that I think matter the most and would love to be contact while Im gone or you can make it easier on me and just tell me if you want to keep in touch with me! :) I have a phone,I have an E-mail,and I have this.
I guess the reason why I started this is so I would have a new way of posting my status's but being able to use more then 420 words. I want to use 10000 words to explain whats on my mind. If you feel like in this post all I did was mumble,I'm seriously so sorry. I'm new to this.I'm new to being so open to a lot of people and hoping that people don't think im crazy. I have always loved writing but I never really shared my writing on a blog.Ive tried obviously with that one website called Xanga haha that was crazy I was only 12/13 at the time not knowing what I was talking about.I wish I could see what I wrote,but I'm pretty sure they deleted all the inactive accounts. I never really shared my thoughts or opinions in grown up writing with a grown up thought. If you are a reader who is going to stay committed to reading this,I thank you so much. I would love if I could have more readers reading this. Its my beginning of blogging and trust me I'm happy I made the decision of doing this. By the way,If you would like to share this on your facebook,or would like to help me out to let other people see this,that would be amazing. Now I know my writing isn't about giving advice or anything,like I have told you in every post I have a story. I'm good with giving advice on a one-to-one basis but im really not that good in giving a lot of advice. I feel like I'm good in writing.I don't care what anyone say's because in the end of the day I'm living my life for me,and I believe that I am.
Until next time. . . .
Love Always,
Talia Marcel <3
If you are a reader who is willing to help me share my blog you can either post my link http://taliamarcel.blogspot.com or go to the link below and share it on Twitter and Facebook.
Well I guess lately my mood has been up and down.I will tell you Love sucks and it hurts but sometimes can be the most amazing feeling. Well in my case it sucks. I really just was trying to move on and look for another guy but whenever I just talk to other guys or I even go out with another guy,all I think about is that one person.I know really its going to be an everyday struggle but really its going to have to be one step at a time. The other day out of the random one my ex boyfriends asked me If I was scared of love. I had no idea what to answer to that. I don't think I am ever scared of love. I think love is an amazing thing as I said before. It truly can make you feel like your on cloud nine,but it can also bring out the worst feelings you never want to go through. To be honest,The thing im scared about is falling in love again. Its the truth. I don't think Ill never be able to find another man or find someone new. I just feel like sometimes its scary. Falling in love is something that one thing that can be amazing and can be horrible.I feel like the reason why im scared is because I don't want to go through this again. I'm not a very religious person,I feel like I'm more of a spiritual person. I do believe however that God will bring someone to me and that I guess I feel I would hate to go through it,but really I feel like I don't have a lot of control over it. Lately I have been doing good about not crying about and realizing that there's bigger and better things that is going to happen in the future.The job im about to start couldn't have come at a better time. I really need something to distract me and this job is going to be a crazy job in the beginning. I also really needed the money and hey I just figured for opening an account I get 125 bucks! haha that money will help me in the long run.I wish sometimes money wasn't that big of a deal,but unfortunately it is.Its sometimes sad how you look at money,and how happy it makes you. Well I would love to have money,but I defiantly don't feel like it is has ever made me happy and it has for sure never proved anything to anyone whenever I do give money. Well I guess you can say I have up and down mood because I just feel like it sucks to get over something you had for such a long time.It hurts more to know that your life will forever be changed because of what has happened. The hardest thing about it sometimes no one will truly ever understand how hard it was.Nobody will get that its not something that I will forget in months or even years. I will never be able to forget it and I never want to forget it.I guess another hard part is that I cant share it. I feel like one day when I am able to share it I would love to be an advocate of helping others go through tough things like that. I wish sometimes I was able to tell the people I truly need to tell the truth. The thing is. . .I wont be able to do for a while,sometimes I'm glad I don't have to.
I guess the next thing I should talk about is why I'm planning on deleting my facebook.I have made the decision of deleting my facebook and decided I was going to be done with by the end of the month (July 31st). Well I have had Facebook for a while and trust me I have loved and hated it at the same time. I loved Facebook because if it weren't for them I wouldn't be able to talk to my family that lives on the other side of the world. I wouldn't be able to make the friends have made through it or even re-connected with old friends.The reason I guess why I need to delete is the fact that I only go there for one reason only.I could sit here and makes excuses about why I hate it and why I decided to do this for that specific one reason,but the truth is I really feel like Facebook has changed over the past few months. I feel like it has obviously not helped with school. I feel like I sometimes cared so much about being on facebook that I could care less about doing my homework and doing my school work. Well I'm not in high school anymore. I'm in the real world of college and in college you are responsible for everything you do in school and you have no one that babies you around. Well during my first year to be honest,I felt like I didn't take school as seriously as I should have. To be honest,I feel like this year is going to be my freshman year of college. I cared more about what was on Facebook or who liked my status then the real thing that mattered and that was school. In the second semester,I guess I can say I had a little reason on why I had a bad semester,but it wasn't an excuse to bad in school. I just feel like Facebook isn't something I need right now seeing how I really need to focus on school and my job. I feel like those are my main priority's. I feel like Facebook has been going down hill and a matter fact I feel like it has helped me go down hill too. I really don't want to talk about the specifics. I just feel like lately all I have been showing is me being a very negative person and I feel like that's just not something I need to post about to the whole world. I'm not a negative person. I know people look at me like I am with the status's I post but I'm really not. I just felt like in a way I was alone.I will admit it I was depressed. I seriously got depressed over him. I felt like I was alone in my whole situation and nobody could help unless I posted a status. I'm not saying I was trying to get attention. I was just trying to have the feeling that somebody cares about me.Somebody is hearing me.Somebody is saying "Talia I'm here for you lets talk," or "Talia I want to help you." That's what I was trying the last few months whenever I wrote a negative status. I just wanted to see that I mattered. Last week,I saw that I mattered to the people who care about me the most. I just feel like maybe time away from Facebook will help regain myself and just help me become the Talia I was. I'm not saying I want to be the old Talia.I just want to be the refreshed grown up Talia. Another reason which I'm not going to go into details is about is simply I was hoping he would see what I have posted.Thats all I can say about that.In the next couple day's Ill be writing messages to people that I think matter the most and would love to be contact while Im gone or you can make it easier on me and just tell me if you want to keep in touch with me! :) I have a phone,I have an E-mail,and I have this.
I guess the reason why I started this is so I would have a new way of posting my status's but being able to use more then 420 words. I want to use 10000 words to explain whats on my mind. If you feel like in this post all I did was mumble,I'm seriously so sorry. I'm new to this.I'm new to being so open to a lot of people and hoping that people don't think im crazy. I have always loved writing but I never really shared my writing on a blog.Ive tried obviously with that one website called Xanga haha that was crazy I was only 12/13 at the time not knowing what I was talking about.I wish I could see what I wrote,but I'm pretty sure they deleted all the inactive accounts. I never really shared my thoughts or opinions in grown up writing with a grown up thought. If you are a reader who is going to stay committed to reading this,I thank you so much. I would love if I could have more readers reading this. Its my beginning of blogging and trust me I'm happy I made the decision of doing this. By the way,If you would like to share this on your facebook,or would like to help me out to let other people see this,that would be amazing. Now I know my writing isn't about giving advice or anything,like I have told you in every post I have a story. I'm good with giving advice on a one-to-one basis but im really not that good in giving a lot of advice. I feel like I'm good in writing.I don't care what anyone say's because in the end of the day I'm living my life for me,and I believe that I am.
Until next time. . . .
Love Always,
Talia Marcel <3
If you are a reader who is willing to help me share my blog you can either post my link http://taliamarcel.blogspot.com or go to the link below and share it on Twitter and Facebook.
Sunday, July 17, 2011
I am Talia.
I would first like to thank everybody for the positive feedback and the comments I have been getting about this. Its means a lot to me! :) I am really doing this for you to read about my progress in my life everyday and like I wrote on the side my goal of this is I have a story and I would love everybody to hear it.
Well I am Talia. Sometimes I feel like whenever you say your introduce yourself to someone,you feel like just from saying your name,but i think there's a big story behind it.I know I'm only 19 and there's no way I could have so much has happened in my life,but the truth is there has been. The reason why I started this,is because I know I have a story and I will continue to have story's for the rest of my life. As a child,I used to be very shy and quiet. I really wish I wasn't,but that's who I was. I feel like the reason why I was very shy and quiet was because I didn't want to voice my opinion or didn't want to feel stupid if I said something. Well as I grew up,I knew I had an opinion.I didn't care if anybody didn't like it or did like it,as long I voiced it.That is exactly why I am doing this. I know I have an opinion and a story that I feel like everybody should hear. I wish I could just sit here and tell you everything that has happened to me.First,I wouldn't want to do that,because I know I haven't had a horrible or I never feel like my life is terrible.I feel like I just have been through very tough bumps through out my life,that I wish I never had to go through.I unfortunately cant be very open for certain reasons,but I will try my best to explain things.
Well I would like to say another reason why I have also started this,is because I went through a horrible break-up. (In my posts,I will never mention a name except mine.) The break-up I went through is a break up I will never forget. I cant explain really why I will never forget it,but Ill just say that we went through something very tough and hard that no teenage couple should ever have to deal with.One day,I hope I can be open about it,but as of now I cant. Well it hurt me so much because of the love I gave to this person. Nobody will ever understand that I did anything for them. I was so in love with them,I decided to leave the most important things in my life,for them. I will never blame this person for anything. I will never hate this person or will never not love this person for the simple fact that this person has changed my life. They have taught me many lessons I couldn't teach myself. They have taught me what love is and how to share love to other people. I know that what me and this person had was something really. It unfortunately couldn't work out,and sometimes I wish it could have because I knew that he was truly an amazing guy. People have always voiced their opinion and have always told me the opposite of what I wanted to hear. Well,those are true friends if you ask me. I was denying the fact that I was so in love that I didn't want them to leave my life.I choose to do anything and everything for the person,even hurt myself emotionally and physically (not anything dangerous,but I will thank them for letting me lose 40 pounds because of them. =] trust me that made me happy when I saw how much I lost) just for them to show them that I loved them. I guess I figured out that it has ended when I showed this person the most love I could,and never got the answer I wanted back. I will be truthfully honest and say I don't want them out of my life. I never thought he was a horrible person or wasn't a great guy. I just think that we weren't meant for each other,and that was it. I will admit,and personally I don't care if people get mad at me or not,but I would love to see the day where we could actually talk to each other with no hurt and just be friends. I will always see them as my best friend,and I would personally hate for us to stop being best friends. If I never get to see this,I will like to let them know,I will always be here for them and I will always love them and I thank you everyday for making me who I am now. Sometimes its very hard for the people that love you hear you say things like this. I know I would hate for anyone I love go through this. I would go and kill them I ever see someone hurt them. I feel like every situation is different. Recently I have been asked (since I guess now im single),what I find I like in a man. To be honest,I usually wanted a man who I felt like I can impress everyone with looks.I have obviously grown up from that phase,and I feel like I cant answer that. I feel like it doesn't matter what I want in a man cause every person is different.There's different quality's in every man and I feel like we if we connect then that's what I want in a man. As I was saying,I feel like the reasons why some people will never understand why I feel the way I do about this is because I know who they truly are. I saw this person with no act and saw who they truly are sitting together in a room and talking and being open. I would like to say that I know I cant see who views my readings,but I just would like to say that If this person ever comes across seeing this, I would like to let them know that what we had was truly amazing,and I will repeat I truly thank you every day for coming in my life.I will always love you for you and I will always be here for you to talk about anything. That will never change. <3
So I would like to say what I have been feeling right now as a Single 19 year old girl. Well first I feel like I have finally been starting to get my life back on track.I finally got a job after 2 years of looking. I'm excited to start the job not only because of the money,but because I know it will help me feel independent. That lately what my goal has been. I really feel that independence is something you have to start when you feel like you are ready to start. My whole life I have always acted older then I was. Just as a little kid,I would love always being with adults and talking to adults. Sometimes I wish I could have lived my life the age I was,but I couldn't help it. I feel like right now is a time I would love to start being independent. Theres obviously some reasons why I feel like I cant be,but hopefully Ill be able to explain that to the people I really need to explain that to,just kinda of nervous is what I guess you can say and I hope with getting this new job it will help me. I have been thinking of lately of going and being out on my own and maybe moving in with one of my best friends. I feel like I'm not trying to do this to grow up super fast or to have freedom and do whatever I want. I feel like the reason why I want to do this is because I know I am ready to go be independent. I was raised by two amazing parents that have proudly been married for 30 years this year. I have two amazing brothers that I love with all my heart,even though we sometimes aren't eye-to-eye on things and sometimes don't get along. I love the family I was raised in. I appreciate it every day. I just feel like sometimes its hard for the people you love see you grow up so fast,that's 100% towards my parents.I feel like that may be the reason why I am nervous to tell them about or maybe a reason why I feel like I have lately wanna just be with them,is because I'm kinda nervous to tell them I wanna go be out on my own. I sometimes wish I was able to go to college somewhere else,and be able to go live in dorm rooms,but I really never got the chance.If there is any kids or anyone who is still in high school reading this,PLEASE PLEASE try you hardest in school. I know sometimes it's very hard or you feel like you have a lot of pressure,but I promise in the long run,you'll be proud of yourself and you'll be able to make your own independent decisions,which I know is what every teenager wants, I mean look at me im still a teenager (which I personally cant wait to turn 20 in November so I don't have to feel like I am a teenager.) but I promise I wish I did better in school and was able to choose from many schools,instead of having to do what I have to do. I know one day ill be able to have the true feeling of living in a dorm room,but for now I guess the only way I can feel that is if i move in with my best friend.I guess theres still a lot of thinking to be done,and I guess I still am nervous about talking to my parents,but I hope in the end they understand that this is for me. I am Talia and I will like to thank everybody for reading this and I hope we will be able to continue this. . . until next time.
Love always,
Talia Marcel <3
Well I am Talia. Sometimes I feel like whenever you say your introduce yourself to someone,you feel like just from saying your name,but i think there's a big story behind it.I know I'm only 19 and there's no way I could have so much has happened in my life,but the truth is there has been. The reason why I started this,is because I know I have a story and I will continue to have story's for the rest of my life. As a child,I used to be very shy and quiet. I really wish I wasn't,but that's who I was. I feel like the reason why I was very shy and quiet was because I didn't want to voice my opinion or didn't want to feel stupid if I said something. Well as I grew up,I knew I had an opinion.I didn't care if anybody didn't like it or did like it,as long I voiced it.That is exactly why I am doing this. I know I have an opinion and a story that I feel like everybody should hear. I wish I could just sit here and tell you everything that has happened to me.First,I wouldn't want to do that,because I know I haven't had a horrible or I never feel like my life is terrible.I feel like I just have been through very tough bumps through out my life,that I wish I never had to go through.I unfortunately cant be very open for certain reasons,but I will try my best to explain things.
Well I would like to say another reason why I have also started this,is because I went through a horrible break-up. (In my posts,I will never mention a name except mine.) The break-up I went through is a break up I will never forget. I cant explain really why I will never forget it,but Ill just say that we went through something very tough and hard that no teenage couple should ever have to deal with.One day,I hope I can be open about it,but as of now I cant. Well it hurt me so much because of the love I gave to this person. Nobody will ever understand that I did anything for them. I was so in love with them,I decided to leave the most important things in my life,for them. I will never blame this person for anything. I will never hate this person or will never not love this person for the simple fact that this person has changed my life. They have taught me many lessons I couldn't teach myself. They have taught me what love is and how to share love to other people. I know that what me and this person had was something really. It unfortunately couldn't work out,and sometimes I wish it could have because I knew that he was truly an amazing guy. People have always voiced their opinion and have always told me the opposite of what I wanted to hear. Well,those are true friends if you ask me. I was denying the fact that I was so in love that I didn't want them to leave my life.I choose to do anything and everything for the person,even hurt myself emotionally and physically (not anything dangerous,but I will thank them for letting me lose 40 pounds because of them. =] trust me that made me happy when I saw how much I lost) just for them to show them that I loved them. I guess I figured out that it has ended when I showed this person the most love I could,and never got the answer I wanted back. I will be truthfully honest and say I don't want them out of my life. I never thought he was a horrible person or wasn't a great guy. I just think that we weren't meant for each other,and that was it. I will admit,and personally I don't care if people get mad at me or not,but I would love to see the day where we could actually talk to each other with no hurt and just be friends. I will always see them as my best friend,and I would personally hate for us to stop being best friends. If I never get to see this,I will like to let them know,I will always be here for them and I will always love them and I thank you everyday for making me who I am now. Sometimes its very hard for the people that love you hear you say things like this. I know I would hate for anyone I love go through this. I would go and kill them I ever see someone hurt them. I feel like every situation is different. Recently I have been asked (since I guess now im single),what I find I like in a man. To be honest,I usually wanted a man who I felt like I can impress everyone with looks.I have obviously grown up from that phase,and I feel like I cant answer that. I feel like it doesn't matter what I want in a man cause every person is different.There's different quality's in every man and I feel like we if we connect then that's what I want in a man. As I was saying,I feel like the reasons why some people will never understand why I feel the way I do about this is because I know who they truly are. I saw this person with no act and saw who they truly are sitting together in a room and talking and being open. I would like to say that I know I cant see who views my readings,but I just would like to say that If this person ever comes across seeing this, I would like to let them know that what we had was truly amazing,and I will repeat I truly thank you every day for coming in my life.I will always love you for you and I will always be here for you to talk about anything. That will never change. <3
So I would like to say what I have been feeling right now as a Single 19 year old girl. Well first I feel like I have finally been starting to get my life back on track.I finally got a job after 2 years of looking. I'm excited to start the job not only because of the money,but because I know it will help me feel independent. That lately what my goal has been. I really feel that independence is something you have to start when you feel like you are ready to start. My whole life I have always acted older then I was. Just as a little kid,I would love always being with adults and talking to adults. Sometimes I wish I could have lived my life the age I was,but I couldn't help it. I feel like right now is a time I would love to start being independent. Theres obviously some reasons why I feel like I cant be,but hopefully Ill be able to explain that to the people I really need to explain that to,just kinda of nervous is what I guess you can say and I hope with getting this new job it will help me. I have been thinking of lately of going and being out on my own and maybe moving in with one of my best friends. I feel like I'm not trying to do this to grow up super fast or to have freedom and do whatever I want. I feel like the reason why I want to do this is because I know I am ready to go be independent. I was raised by two amazing parents that have proudly been married for 30 years this year. I have two amazing brothers that I love with all my heart,even though we sometimes aren't eye-to-eye on things and sometimes don't get along. I love the family I was raised in. I appreciate it every day. I just feel like sometimes its hard for the people you love see you grow up so fast,that's 100% towards my parents.I feel like that may be the reason why I am nervous to tell them about or maybe a reason why I feel like I have lately wanna just be with them,is because I'm kinda nervous to tell them I wanna go be out on my own. I sometimes wish I was able to go to college somewhere else,and be able to go live in dorm rooms,but I really never got the chance.If there is any kids or anyone who is still in high school reading this,PLEASE PLEASE try you hardest in school. I know sometimes it's very hard or you feel like you have a lot of pressure,but I promise in the long run,you'll be proud of yourself and you'll be able to make your own independent decisions,which I know is what every teenager wants, I mean look at me im still a teenager (which I personally cant wait to turn 20 in November so I don't have to feel like I am a teenager.) but I promise I wish I did better in school and was able to choose from many schools,instead of having to do what I have to do. I know one day ill be able to have the true feeling of living in a dorm room,but for now I guess the only way I can feel that is if i move in with my best friend.I guess theres still a lot of thinking to be done,and I guess I still am nervous about talking to my parents,but I hope in the end they understand that this is for me. I am Talia and I will like to thank everybody for reading this and I hope we will be able to continue this. . . until next time.
Love always,
Talia Marcel <3
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Short and Simple.
I was writing a blog for today,but half way through it I just felt like I was just mumbling stuff instead of actually trying to say what I meant since I'm very tired. So Instead of actually writing something today,I feel like maybe I should just be short and simple. Simply,I love how I'm progressing every day for what I had to go through. I just would like to everyone know,that nobody can change you.No matter how hard somebody tries to or no matter how much they speak,you can only change yourself. If you love who you are,then don't let anybody ever tell you different. Be proud of it and show it to the world. Dont do anything for anyone until your happy with your decision. You make your own happiness,and your happiness only helps you in the end.
I have been loving the great feedback I have been getting on this and I love the comments people have been telling me. I really appreciate it and It makes me just want to write more and talk more and help more. If you would ever like to contact to me about anything please message me at Tyadgar13@gmail.com I get my e-mails sent right to my phone and will gladly reply back! :) I will be make an amazing introduction about myself tomorrow and what has helped me to decide to do this but until next time. . . Enjoy this amazing weekend!
Love always,
Talia Marcel <3
I have been loving the great feedback I have been getting on this and I love the comments people have been telling me. I really appreciate it and It makes me just want to write more and talk more and help more. If you would ever like to contact to me about anything please message me at Tyadgar13@gmail.com I get my e-mails sent right to my phone and will gladly reply back! :) I will be make an amazing introduction about myself tomorrow and what has helped me to decide to do this but until next time. . . Enjoy this amazing weekend!
Love always,
Talia Marcel <3
Friday, July 15, 2011
Talia's First Blog and New Beginning
I'm Talia and I choose to post blogs for the time being as I have decided to leave Facebook for the fact of the problems I have seen it caused for me in the past few years Ive had it. I really love writing even though I am very bad with the grammar part and making corrections in my writing,but the truth is I really don't care.If I choose to have my writing to be incorrect and choose to let there be mistakes,then that is my choice. I never really was into correcting my errors,even though sometimes I should,but I just feel like its my writing and I can do it however I want. Now the reason why I really choose to leave Facebook for a while,is the simple fact that it doesn't make me happy.It never had made me extremely happy,but it has never made me completely sad. I have connected through old friends and family who live all cross the world through Facebook,and I'm grateful for it. I also have decided to leave Facebook is because I have seen how I care more about what my status is or what picture I post instead of thinking of my school or what I want for my future.I'm very excited to start this and I know It will help me emotionally to get over what Ive been through which is until next time. . . .
Love always,
Talia Marcel <3
Love always,
Talia Marcel <3
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