The Past is Never Pasted.

I would like to thank everybody who reads this and supports me.I hope and pray that Ill keep getting more support when I close my Facebook. It would be great if some of you guys followed me because I'm really doing this for one reason only and that's for you to hear someone else's life and someones experience and seeing how hard life can be and sometimes how amazing it can be and If people aren't reading this,then I guess I have no point of writing,So please let me know if you are reading this and if you plan on continue to read this.I know sometimes my blog are very down,but this is how I feel and whats been going in my life.I hope no matter what I still have the fans.

I guess today wasn't a good day. It started out becoming a good day knowing that I finally will be working on a job I have been looking forever for. I'm excited Ill be able to have a decent job that will pay my paychecks and hey its a great thing to see you work for the government on a resume. I think after that It pretty much went down hill from there. I tried really hard all day to be positive but sometimes it so hard. I heard on the radio today these guys writing love letters that they wrote to somebody from their past or whenever. I was thinking while I was on my way home,how much I wished I could write a love letter again.I have wrote too many to express how much I loved him,but it doesn't matter cause in the end,it never touched him or it never made him realize anything. I wonder if I did what I would want to write. Now my emotions for them has changed seeing how hurt I got. I just wish things didn't have to end up to how they are now. I asked this girl on of the radio stations to post my question. I told her to say that we were in a long relationship and that after everything Ive done for him,he still goes back to the other girl. The question was what can I do can help me to move on? All I saw in the answers were hurtful answers.Nobody understands that no matter how old I was or am or no matter how old he was,we went through something that nobody should go through at any age. The lady told me I wasn't allowed to respond to any of the comments,when I was just ready to yell at all of them for making fun of me,for telling me I was stupid for what I did. I just wish I could yell it to the whole world what happened.I feel like a reason why I always feel so down about what happened is because I have to hide it from a lot of people. I feel like if maybe I was more open about it,I wouldn't have all this pressure.

I guess you can say that the reason why I called this The Past is Never Pasted is because I believe its a true statement. I feel like my past has never pasted.I have long term memory and I can remember anything even from when I was 3 years old.I remember almost every scene of my life I have had in the past.I'm not saying I never forget them,but I remember the most important parts.Obviously my past,I cant and wont forget.Sometimes I wish I could go back to the past and change a lot of things which I bet you do to.I remember the other day I heard someone talking about how its harder to go back to the past then it is to go to the future.Sometimes I feel like I can just go to the future already,but the hard part is I don't know where I want to go in my future.I guess where I want to really go is where im passed with all of this no mater if we continue or if we end I just want it to be the future already. You probably are thinking that I want to just write this to sit here and really tell you that my life sucks,when truly I don't feel like my life sucks. I just feel like what I have go through right sucks. I know I'm not over this man and to be honest I don't know if ill ever be able to get over them. I'm not over the fact that I pretty much fell in love with a man that I truly didn't care to think about the small things and build a big future together. I don't think ill never find another man,the thing is I just would love to stay with him.The fact that I wont be able to do this is why I would love to go to past and change everything. I wish in a way I could have really introduce him to my parents no matter what would happen between. I wish I was open more about showing him around. I felt like the only reason why I could was because I felt like I would be judged. I hate how people judge people so quickly,I know I do it too,but I try my best not to because I know how much it hurts.

Im kinda of scared to continue on with this blog.I feel like people don't really feel connected to me or I feel like I'm not really helping anyone out just by reading my blog.I'm scared for when I delete my Facebok Ill be lonely.Im scared that I will be sitting and wish I could go on Facebook so I can feel loved by posting a status. Called me crazy but sometimes I feel like whenever I post a status and somebody like's it,I feel like somebody cares to hear me.I feel like my blog is kind of boring to some people and maybe that's why I feel like I don't know if I should continue this.Ive been trying to get the word out that I'm doing this so I don't have to be on Facebook anymore.I truly don't want to be on Facebook. I mentioned in my last post the reason why I don't but I truly feel like it'll in a way help me move on and maybe help me to happier again,but Im scared when I delete it,that im really just going to have my phone and maybe if im lucky a few people reading this.I don't really know what I should I do,I guess for anyone who is reading this I would love some feedback on what I should and If you have an opinion if I continue to do this what I should do so people will be more interested into reading it. I have made an email specifically for this blog that you can reach me at. Its Taliamarcelblogs@gmail.com

Maybe Im acting like this because I feel very down on myself for whats been going on and how I really haven't been putting in as much effort as I could have.I hope tomorrow ill be able to bring you more excited news or maybe an insportional writting or even maybe a poem. No matter what I love you guys so much.


Have an amazing Thursday!


Love Always,

Talia Marcel <3