Thank you for everyone who has made a progress to continue reading this,it means a lot to me and It just shows me that there is truly some people who truly care to hear other people.
Well I guess today there was a positive feeling and a not positive feeling but truly I have nothing more that I can truly say but that I wish it was never like this. I feel like today somethings got way out of control because of my allergic reaction I had to do deal with. It still hasn't healed but,but Its getting better just sucks that I felt that I was going through another act that happened to me last year when I had an allergic reaction. Its kinda of weird how the same time last year I went through the same thing and had the same reactions by having acts,maybe that's just how my body works. Well I feel like things havent been going the way ive wanted it to be going lately.I feel like I just been getting worse and worse and have just decided things I shouldn't be deciding.
I guess its really time for me to open up. I have come to realize I have lost my best friend.Nothing will ever change the fact that things will never be the same. I have never realized more then I have today that the fact why I was having such a hard time wasn't that I felt I couldn't love again or find someone new in my life,it was that my best friend was the love of my life.I know that whatever me and my best friend had was real.It was always real.I just couldn't seem to get the fact that it was over.I called them today telling them how I felt and how I really hated the way things turned out to be.I miss them and I will always love them.Nobody can ever or will ever tell me to not do that,because like ive always said nobody understands.I hate the fact that I will never be able to have my best friend with my during my process of going through what ive been going through these past few months.I wish this girl would understand that I am not okay without them and that I feel like I wont be okay until I get my best friend.We will never go back to the way we were nor will we ever be together again. Thats what it comes down to. Every cent every dollar will never help change anything nor will it ever help you get your love back. Materialistic things will never let somebody fall in love with you again.Sex wont help you guys fall in love again no matter if they were your first or your tenth.The only way that will help you find that love again is when you let time pass by.Its best for time to heal the relationship.I guess this is advice for everybody who has truly loved someone and in the end never have gotten what you want.Let me tell you that if you guys were meant to be,either you or them will talk.If you weren't meant to be maybe it was for the best for the both of you.I just promise you that if you guys really loved each other then maybe im ridiculous but maybe time is the best thing.Go out with other people or go out with friends just get out.When you are out busy,it will all help you keep your mind off them and when time starts passing by and if they decide to talk to you again,then you will know it was true love.If they decide not to talk to you,then you'll feel good knowing you let time pass by and that you have finally come to terms with yourself that you have moved on.If you really feel like you have tried your hardest to help your relationship to work out,go to counseling. I'm serious as ever.Sometimes its hard for certain people to open up for a counselor but seriously It will help.I guess in a way maybe thats why I'm glad ive been going to a counselor to help in a way.They have helped think about things that I haven't been open about to tell other people.They have helped me realize that what im going through is normal and that its okay that's taking this long for me to go through this.It will take me a lot of time to get over it,but the fact is I love him.I truly love him no matter what.I feel like maybe its the best for us to do what we need to do for the sake of me getting better and if we decide to part or decide to continue talking im glad i tried to put my all to make this work.I feel like thats my last step to try for us to at least talk again.I just really hope the goodbye we have tryed so hard to say to each other,is never an actual goodbye.
I guess something I feel like I really need to be open up about is one thing.I really don't want to be to open about it on here,but to be honest I will be open to talk about if you want to find out.I guess another reason why I feel like I feel the way I do is because what I had to go through,I never had the time to grieve.I never had the time to really think about the way I have every day since we broke up.We will always care for each other and we will always know that our relationship was based on this.I felt like its been hard for me cause I wasn't able to move on with hurt and pain I had to go through in this situation. I miss them (not him) so much.I had a bond with this person with all my heart and its hard for me to letting go. I felt like nobody understood that when you have beliefs and turn against it that it hurts more for you to go through something twice as hard.I really got hurt from this and I turned to things I should have never turned to knowing that it wasnt going to help me take that pain away.It wouldnt help me stop the grief and the sadness I had to go through. I guess what I know I need to do is get the help I need to help myself help the pain from what happened. I miss them (once again not him) more then anything but I know that I will love them forever and always and sometimes when I look at who they were,I look at them knowing that they were inspiration to continue good in my life. 06/23/2010 <3 Love you forever and always!
I have no doubt that im not going to be okay.Ill be okay and even better but I just feel like in a way Im glad im doing this.It helps me and helps me realize that things will get better and I love that I can maybe help somebody whos going through hurt.I am always open to talk to anyone.Nobody is a stranger to me no matter what. I have told you I made an e-mail for this blog. Its Taliamarcelblogs@gmail.com. I will help anyone I can and just know that you are never alone.Sometimes its hard for me to believe that I am not alone.I really have really learned today that I am not alone.I have certain people I can talk to and not talk to.If the people I feel most comfortable about talking to understands me or is at least willing to listen.Im not alone.There my true friends the people I need to stick around with. YOU are not alone no matter what and I know I cant really help with my own probelms but knowing who I am Im willing to help anyone go through any diffcult sistution. You are never alone,if you feel you are,you have me.
I love everybody with all my heart and I thank everybody for any way you have effected my life.No matter what Im not alone,Im here with you.Were here together in this and no mater we are all together in helping each other out.This world has a purpose.It was built for people to learn from mistakes and just enjoy life the best way you can.
Be kind to one another.
Love Always,
Talia Marcel <3
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